Vote Early, Vote Often, For Nothing

It’s relatively quiet at the Liquor and Rubber Balls Sports Emporium & Fireworks Outlet this evening, the right opportunity to engage Don Tequila, behind the bar tonight, in some political banter. I ask him how he feels about the re-vote.revote.jpg

“Re-volting,” he grunts. “Re-tarded. Re-diculous.”

Yeah but tell me how you really feel, D.T.

“Look,” he says. “The Florida legislature says they want the state’s primary to matter this year, so they push it up. Both parties say that’s against the rules, so if they go ahead with the idea, they’ll get penalized. The legislature does it anyway, so the parties punish them by stripping delegates.

“You break the rules, you pay the price. You do the crime, you do the time. End of story.”

Yeah, but the Dems say they’re getting beat because of a decision made by a ‘Pub Lege.

“Oh, horseshit! Dems whine like farts through a keyhole. They went along with it — check the record. I heard this one Dem from Broward, Jeremy Ring, on the radio. He fuckin introduced the motion to move it up. Now he’s complaining? Now he’s bitching about ‘disenfranchised voters’? What did he think would happen? Fuckin drama queen.”

But that means millions of Florida voters don’t get counted.

“They shoulda thought of that before. Besides, what’s the big deal? It ain’t a real election, just a primary, and people in Florida by now should be used to getting screwed in elections, as well as by their own representatives.”

That’s cold, Don. If their votes don’t count, they’ll be so turned off and pissed off they’ll stay home in November.

“It ain’t cold. It’s real. And if they’re stupid enough to stay home in the REAL election — and you’re right, they’re just stupid enough to do that, cut off their nose to spite their ass — then they deserve what they get.

“‘Sides, what makes anybody think this dumbass state could put on a ‘re-vote’ that comes out right and makes everybody happy? Save the time, the money, the tearing-of-hair and gnashing-of-teeth. Just suck it up. Learn for next time.”

Turns out if we’d kept the primary where it was, we’d be in a more powerful position anyway.

“Yeah, but nobody ever knows ahead of time how that works out, which is why they shouldna done nothing to start with. The whole system is broke like a balsa wood baseball bat. Start over. Next time.”

I drain my drink. He pours another.

“Hey, what do you care? Ain’t you a Nader fag?”

I’m a Green, Don. I voted for Nader in 2000. Never again.

“Ha! That’s rich! Well, there you are. If a moron like you can learn something, so can everybody else.”

I’d kick the crap out of you, Don, if you weren’t twice my size and could grind me into gristle with your bare hands.

“It all makes perfect sense,” he guffaws, and lumbers off to the cash register.

You know, it does. It just…..does.

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6 Responses to Vote Early, Vote Often, For Nothing

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    so I wonder what candidate this would help? What IS it about Florida and voting dude?

  2. Another Nader fag says:

    Every time I read about how screwed up Florida is when it comes to elections, I wonder why anybody blames Ralph Nader for Gore’s defeat in 2000.

  3. Voter says:

    I voted in January. I won’t vote again until November. There is no “re-vote.” Do it once, do it right, no second tries, even for government.

  4. Non-voter says:

    Voting is over-rated anyway. Does it really matter who gets in? Unless you’re really big, rich, or powerful yourself, you’re sure to get screwed irregardlessly.

  5. Pingback: The Teacher’s Mailroom : What is it about Florida and voting

  6. Pingback: The Teacher’s Mailroom : What’s up with a Florida primary? [1]

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