Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

January 27, 1756 – September 5, 1791

I love exposed hypocrisy, and the more sanctimonious the hypocrite, the funnier it is.  Which brings us to the Newt and his omnipresent puss here in Florid-duh where the ‘Pub primary concludes next Tuesday.

The so-called ‘Pub establishment has sounded the alarm.  Make that, “pressed the panic button.”  Among the high and mighty who have trashed him highly and mightily are Elliot Abrams (National Review), Man Coulter, Mathilde Drudge, and Tom DeLay.  Here’s a tidy little summary.  Here’s Lefty Bob Dole.  There’s plenty more all over the place.

They’re truly worried, and it’s richly rewarding, because they stood silently by for the last 4 years as their own party operatives kept lowering the bar, cheapening the dialog, dumbing down the arguments, and debasing the debate.  They handed the reins over to the Evangelicals and Teabaggers who drove the party apparatus so far off the trail they can’t find their way back.  The Kenyan Muslim Socialist wants to ban Christmas, take away your guns, declare Sharia Law, raise your taxes, and pee in the punch bowl, while the elite liberal Jewish media protect him by refusing to expose his evil deeds — and holy shit, did you notice that he’s Black?

Where was the collective STFU from Abrams/Coulter/Dole/Drudge/Delay?  Not until Newty made typically ignorant, off-the-mark generalizations about Mittens and Bain Capital, actually criticizing the holy free market, do they finally climb on their hind legs to denounce what they themselves, through their tacit approval, hath wrought.

Great stuff.  It worked so well for a while — look at the 2010 elections!  But now it’s all out of hand and they’re scrambling for cover.  Like warty witches boiling foul weeds and stinking carrion in an iron pot, their spell reversed their own fortune — they turned something shiny into a lowly Newt.  Now they’re in un-do mode.

This is just wonderful to behold, and so close to home it’s downright delicious.

My predictions are almost always wrong, but I make them anyway:

• Mittens will prevail in Florida, but Newty will show a strong second, and he’ll keep on rolling.
• Santorum will drop out and back Mittens — yes, there’s a good deal in it for him — while Ryan, with nothing to lose, keeps on truckin’.
• Newty might actually take another contest or two, like Arizona, but he’s on his way out…..and watching him crash and burn will be more spiritually rewarding than seeing Jesus Tebow and the Denver Broncos lose.

Oh, and the Giants will beat the Patriots again.  But more on that later.

[phtoto credit]

With the Republican candidates courting Cubans in Miami today, Fidel Castro chimed in with an opinion piece in state-run media saying he was unimpressed, at the very least, with the field.

“The selection of a Republican candidate for the presidency of this globalized and expansive empire is — and I mean this seriously — the greatest competition of idiocy and ignorance that has ever been,” the retired Cuban leader wrote. — NYTimes

Binky is the 6th cat in the household.  You probably think he’s very cute, but the other 5 are non-committal.  Even the two 3-year-olds find him ‘way too energetic and playful.  Guido and I keep him entertained with string, rolled-up paper, little kitten toys, and surgery. So far, so good.  Some breakage and spills, but nothing flammable or irreplaceable.

The other day I found myself at a booth in a Hollywood Chinese restaurant where the sign on the right was displayed.

My lunch companion, who like most of the world is a more observant creature than I am, pointed out that it was upside down: the smoke should be rising.

A quick survey of the dining room revealed that every similar sign was also upside-down, and we discussed whether or not this was a positive or negative commentary on the installer(s).  I lean toward the positive: he or she got it wrong, but paid sufficient attention to get it consistent.

My companion asked me whether or not I would continue patronizing this restaurant if whenever I did, and ordered the same meal,  it came out wrong.  We discussed this, too.

Finally, on the left is a photo of the front window of Jimmy John’s, a restaurant in Pembroke Pines.  I had lunch there once — not really my style or taste, but not bad for a sandwich shop.

Please note that the window has the words FREE SMELLS in red neon.  For several months I puzzled over who (or what) SMELLS is and why he has been incarcerated, inspiring this neon plea for his release.  Then one day I figured it out.  All by myself!

What makes it rather odd that I got confused by this is that years ago, when synagogues around the nation sported FREE SOVIET JEWS banners in response to some international crisis or campaign the details of which I don’t remember, I recall thinking to myself, “I wonder how many they’re giving out.”  Which suggests my confusion reflex or instinct works inconsistently.

Perhaps that’s why I find the wrong but consistent signage in the Chinese reataurant admirable on some level.

I give BHO a lot of credit: I wasn’t sick and tired of listening to his bullshit until a year into his administration.  Usually I find a president’s speeches an intolerable assault on reason and common sense about 6 months into his candidacy, so Obama scores very high in my sports book.

But that was then.  This is now.  And speaking of now, I wrote this before the speech.

This being an election year, the annual SOTU speech is little more than another campaign presentation.  The usual platitudes about staying the course, sticking with the program, giving the current leadership more time to continue its brilliant stewardship.  How we’re so much better off after 3 years of US compared to 8 years of THEM.  How so many promises have been kept, so much work remains, and if only we had more cooperation from those who would bring us down, how much more we would be enjoying.

Few will hang around long enough to hear the ‘Pub’s rebuttal, handled this year by Gov. Mitch Daniels of Indiana.  The Governor has been labeled a “fiscal policy whiz,” and even now, with Mittens and Gingrinch hissing at and slapping one another, there are pleas for him to reconsider his decision not to seek the nomination.  Run Mitch Run!  What is never brought up, it seems, is that Daniels was Monkey Boy’s budget director from 2000- 2003, and that during his tenure the projected federal budget surplus of $236 billion became a $400 billion deficit.  (The fiscal policy whiz insists it wasn’t his fault — back then all the cool kids were still blaming Clinton for everything.)

Well, it wasn’t his fault.  Or Clinton’s.  As we’ve learned, the whole system had been corrupted by any number of powerful interests, crashing the house of cards to create  a gigantic crisis that would have required brilliance, patience, foresight, and cooperation to remedy.  Monkey Boy and his zoo were neither qualified nor motivated to effect repairs, and after 8 years they left it worse than it started.  Lest we forget, this is the situation that BHO inherited.

Have he and his legions done enough to straighten us out?  Nah.  So do we toss his ass out and replace his best and brightest with Mittens and the buttoned-down experts of his choice?   That’s what the election will determine.

But until then, all the cloying bluster is but a seedy dog and pony show to distract us from our troubles.  I refuse to pay attention. There’s beer to drink and porn to watch, and no time to waste on foolish pursuits.

The carnival called the national Republican primary season is heading our way, fellow Floridians, and you will be well advised to brace yourself for the numbing media onslaught that has already started.  If you’re registered R, your phone will ring constantly.  If you watch teevee, you’ll be blinded by bared teeth, red white and blue imagery, and leering analysts making a mockery of journalism on an hourly basis.  If radio is your preferred medium, prepare to turn down the volume.  

“I am concerned that the unfortunate results of Perry’s performance on the national stage may confirm the stereotype that much of the rest of the country has about Texas — the impression that Texas is a bunch of yahoos and people of low intelligence,” said Scott Caven, a Houston Republican who was Mr. Perry’s state finance chairman in his first two campaigns for governor.  NYTimes

Here’s our latest venture into Very Bad Audio Entertainment Certain to Bore the Snot Out of Sentient Life.

The whole hideous series is available if you click on the Podcast tab, above, along with something of an explanation.

The author warns at the outset, that this is not a scientific study, just a little game with Google trends.  Still, as a native of the City of Bodily Harm, I’m proud to have scored #1:

Most Depressing U.S. Cities in 2011

The following U.S. cities searched for depression-related terms on Google more often than other cities, according to Google Trends.

Most Depressing U.S. States in 2011

Pennsylvania   Kentucky  New Jersey   Indiana    Michigan    Utah  Ohio     South Carolina   Alabama   Wisconsin   Iowa  Connecticut   Mississippi   Tennessee   North Carolina

Yay Philly!  We’re Number 1…… and we’re Number 1 again!!

You can find the data here.  I found this faux study only because my cousin — actually a second cousin, one whom I think I’ve never met, to my chagrin — noted it on his Facebook page.  (I guess I need to introduce myself an friend his family ass.)

Having grown up in Philadelphia, I can see where it would be fertile ground for depression.  I spent a lot of unhappy time there, even if you discount all 12 years of public school, which, in the lingo of the day, ate shit off the wall and blew dead Japs, especially high school.  I recall many down moments when I was broke, horny, cold, and just generally frustrated.  Did I say “moments”?  I meant “years.”

That noted, I truly doubt that (a) I was the only one, (2) it would have been different anywhere else, and (iii) Oops I forget in honor of Rick Perry, former candidate for the Republican presidential nomination god help us all.

Besides, the solution to all my depression was breathtakingly simple: GET LAID.  So I did.  As often as possible, which wasn’t often enough but still.  Sometimes a man has to get up and attend to essentials, like feed the cat.

Philadelphia was a dreary place for a long time but it has remade itself remarkably.  By the time I left I knew I would miss it, and I did and still do.  At the moment it’s 34 degrees there.  I’m not going back.  If I want to get depressed again, I’ll do it here.  All I need to do is look at my bank balance.

The list is suspect anyway.  Conspicuously missing: Cleveland, Detroit, Cincinnati, Spokane, and Wichita.  I’d throw in Atlanta, too.  Maybe it’s not depressing, but that place sucks out loud  (and/or blows dead Japs).  I’m not a big fan of Daytona Beach, either, where I felt like I wanted to wipe my feet on the way out.

Then again, just about all of my friends from up north hate south Florida.  They have the good sense, taste, and class to do so from afar as opposed to the millions who come here, stay, and bitch about it endlessly.

It’s all moot anyway once President Gingrich takes over.

The South Carolina Republican primary in full swing!  Here’s the scene in the Palmetto State:

A 21-year-old unidentified man received a tattoo on his penis and the process left him with a permanent erection, according to the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

….the tattoo artist used a handheld needle, which lends itself to little control if any, and now doctors are saying that the man has a non-ischemic priapism, a condition where blood flowing out of the penis is not sufficient enough to shrink the erection.  Apparently, the tattooing procedure punctured holes into his penis that went deeper than they should have and vessels were damaged in the shaft.  – NewsOne