Zelling Out

Guido slides hard into bed last night, spikes high. “Baseball season starts tomorrow,” she says. “Do you care?”

Well, yeah, I do. I love baseball. I despise what has happened to the Marlins. Ownership of that team has no business involving itself in baseball. As fans and citizens, they’re ripping us off.

Meanwhile, on Chicago’s north side, the Cubs’ new owner doesn’t even LIKE baseball. Sam Zell bought the Tribune Company, which owns the Cubs and Wrigley Field, and he’s looking to divest. But first, businessman that he is, he’s scouting around to see if he can make some more money out of the investment by selling naming rights to iconic Wrigley Field.

This has inspired an anti-Zell, anti-naming contest. You can find the details here, if you like, as well as video of the winner, who crafted “We’re Not Gonna Change It” to the tune of Twisted Sister’s magnificent opus, “We’re Not Gonna Take It.” Here are the lyrics:

We’re not gonna change it!
No! We’ll never rename it!sterger.jpg
We will always call it Wrigley Field!

It’s where we do our boozin’
Where our team does its losin’
Now some rich dude, he wants a change.

He’ll name it after Old Style
Or drugs for ills erectile.
Viagra Field sounds pretty strange.

We’re not gonna change it!
Zell! Don’t try to rename it!
It will always be OUR Wrigley Field!

Sam Zell may have the power
And own the Tribune Tower
Don’t have the North Side’s pride destroyed!

Nicorette Gum Park’s a loser
Don’t give our name to Hooters
Or products made for hemorrhoids!

Whoa-oh-oh Whoa-oh-oh We’re right (yeah)
You’ll see (yeah)
The Cubs have sucked (what?) For a century! (what?!?)

We’re not gonna change it!
No! We’ll never rename it!
We will always call it Wrigley Field!

We’re not gonna change it!
(@#$% NO!) we won’t let Zell change it!
He’ll just have to stick with Wrigley Field!

We’re not gonna change it!
No! We’ll never rename it!
We will always call it Wrigley Field!

Photo Credit: That’s Jenn Sterger, of SI.com. Nice, um, hat.

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5 Responses to Zelling Out

  1. Mark Skid says:

    Speaking for an entire nation of fetishistic voyeurs, please provide additional information on Guido wearing spikes in bed.

  2. Dawgbowl says:

    You’re right. Nice hat.

  3. Lu Senz says:

    Nice post, Squats. Us Chi-town fans appreciate recognition from an east coaster — not that we need you to tell us we’re the best fans in the world, with the biggest cross to bear. Fact is, Zell is just another demon from the depths of hell sent to distract and torment us, but it won’t work. We’ll love the Cubbies to death. And they’ll lose again.

  4. Hose B says:

    What hat?

  5. Ms Calabaza says:

    Damn squathole,
    I was ready to get to bed and realized I hadn’t been able to browse my favorite blogs . . . now I have visions of you and Guido and spiked heels, hmmmm do tell more.

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