Say Aaaaah.

Tired of wasting time on the state’s imploding economy, your elected officials in Tallahassee turn their attention to womens’ bodies:

Any woman seeking to terminate a pregnancy would be required to pay for an ultrasound procedure — and view the results unless she signed a waiver — before having the abortion, under a bill passed by the House largely along party lines.

Women whose pregnancies were the result of rape, incest, domestic violence or human trafficking would be exempt from the ultrasound requirement. — SFSS

These candy-ass ‘Pubs always back down at the last minute, don’t they? They have the votes to force distraught women confronting the destruction of human life within them to stare at themselves in a mirror, so do they press their advantage? Nooooooooooooo. They cave in and make exceptions for victims of rape, violence, and incest.

Like that makes a difference to the fetus, right? Like god gives a divine shit how this immortal soul was conceived. What’s rape or incest got to do with it? A life’s a life, dammit, just like a gun’s a gun.

“I’m pretty dang upset, I’ll tell you that,” declares the Rev. Trog LoDyte, an anti-abortion activist from Stegosaurus County. “This-here law has the power to keep women right the hell out of the abortion clinic forever. If it don’t scare them into avoiding sin, it makes it too dawgawn expensive. Either way, it saves their souls, right, and ain’t that all what us Christians gotta do, even if it ruins their lives and maybe even makes ’em kill themselves? Ain’t that god’s will they’re messin’ with?”

hems.jpgSenate Dems are toying with a companion bill to force candidates for elective hemorrhoid surgery to view ultrasound images of their own assholes before undergoing procedures. “I bet most of the clods who voted for the other bill won’t like this one,” chuckled one official. “Half couldn’t tell their own assholes from their elbows. Or their own wedding photos!”

Requesting anonymity, a veteran staff member of one of the bill’s sponsors noted that election year politics was behind the move. “Face it — we screwed up the property tax bill, the state’s economy is in shambles, our schools are a national laughingstock, and for the first time in 50 years, more people are leaving the state than coming and staying here. This bill is a distraction, something to please the holy hinds in their hovels. Besides, it’s fun to pick on girls and fetuses. Or maybe it’s ‘fetii?’ Is that a word?”

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15 Responses to Say Aaaaah.

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    who pays for this?

  2. Go to Hell says:

    What kind of moron compares an unborn child to a painfully enlarged blood vessel in the anus? Where’s your respect for life — up there with your own hemhorrids?

  3. FerfelaBat says:

    I saw a show on the Discovery Chanel where they said they believe it will be possible to clone a complete humn being from any scrap of body matter – so – that hemorroid could potentially be a person. Have some respect.

  4. Ms Calabaza says:

    not only that, but I think I dated that hemorrhoid in the ’80s . . . but I can’t fully remember.

  5. squathole says:

    Ladies: you know why single women never fart? Because they don’t acquire an asshole until after they’re married.

    Go to hell: While I can’t claim to be the expert on assholes you obviously are — great spelling of “hemorrhoid,” tho — that’s not a comparison of a fetus and a ‘roid, but a perspective on how assenine the original law is. The purpose of the law is to intimidate vulnerable citizens, to sicken them, guilt them out, and otherwise dissuade their unpleasant choice of action. This may please the fascistically oriented and bible harpies crawling around, but some of us have a problem with entertaining Uncle Sam in our bedrooms and body cavities.

  6. I'm confused says:

    What’s the big deal here. As I read it if this legislation is enacted a women who want’s an aborotion simply has to sign a waiver. What I don’t get is what is she waiving; the right to pay a costly procedure & few the results? I say done deal.

  7. Continental Airlines passenger 9 (months) says:

    Does a women have to know she’s pregnant to get an abortion?

  8. Lois Terms says:

    “I’m Confused” makes a good point…..if all she needs to do is sign a waiver not to PAY for as well as LOOK at the mandatory ultrasound. But the way I read it, she needs to pay up whether or not she wants to view it. So it’s another roadblock to a woman’s right to choose.

  9. O.R. Fiss says:

    She could also just claim rape, incest or abuse.

    “Uncle” Ed and the bishop just shat their pants.

  10. Beardsley says:

    It’s all just another obvious ploy to make abortions difficult. If they had any balls at all, they’d come out and simply admit it, in fact, if it’s something they believe in strongly they should be proud of it. But they’re not. They’re politicians – cowards and sneaks in the night.

  11. Helen Highwater says:

    “A life’s a life, just like a gun’s a gun.”

    That just says it all.

  12. Kent Standit says:

    Ferfeleblat: They’ve already figured out how to clone a human being off a hemorrhoid. Where do you suppose all these lawyers came from?

  13. CommonSense says:

    The reason for excluding cases of incest, rape, and abuse from the law’s requirement is because these pregnancies were brought about by crimes, rather than sin or negligence.

    It would be morally wrong to punish a victim of a crime. It would be just as morally wrong not to punish a sinner, or not to hold an irresponsible person accountable for the carelessness that caused her pregnancy.

  14. The Pilgrims says:

    We agree completely with CommonSense’s position that fornicating sinners must be punished, ideally by forcing them to give birth, as this law encourages. God bless you.

  15. get real says:

    CommonSense, where is yours? In the case of an unwanted pregnancy the fetis often becomes the victim if a woman is forced to give birth. It doesn’t matter whether the pregnancy is the result of a crime or “sin”. If the mother can’t provide for it its’ life will be grim. Anyone who is against abortion should be fighting like hell to get sex education & free contraception available to all who need &/or want it.

    P.S.: I really hate the term “Pro-Abortion”. No one is “Pro-Abortion”. You can be pro-choice & still be pro-life. A woman should be the final word on what happens to her body & future.

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