Step Right Up

The question that cries out for an answer from Mr. Wright is why – if he is so passionately committed to liberating and empowering blacks – does he seem so insistent on wrecking the campaign of the only African-American ever to have had a legitimate shot at the presidency. —Bob Herbert, NY Times

When I step inside the Liquor & Rubber Balls (LRB) Sports and Titty bar, John Stewart is giggling and pulling faces on a Daily Show segment called “Reverending Story” about Rev. Jeremiah White’s apparent meltdown.

“It’s been the big story all day,” Don Tequila tells me, as he hands over my shot of Partida. “First the clown, then the peanut gallery.”

I perch beside Duck Diamonds, who is thoughtfully ignoring the screen (like a sensible person). Duck is a professional gambler whose patience for politics can be measured in half-thimbles. Not so Wild Turkey and Dark Draft on the other side of the bar, who are laughing uproariously at the commentary.

“This fucks Banana Obama big time,” says Dark Draft. “As only a friend can fuck you.” Wild Turkey nods her head in agreement.

Duck grunts. “Stupid shits,” he mutters. “Too dumb to play Black politics.”

Who? Obama? Rev. White?

Duck sips his seltzer (Duck doesn’t drink, which might sound odd for a guy who spends most of his free time in a sports bar. Then again, it is a sports bar, and the regulars are pretty damn hot lesbians.)

“No, he says quietly. “Like them two, taking all this at surface value.”

I don’t follow, Duck.

He sighs. “You see this at the pool table all the time,” he says. “Ringers. Sharks. They come in, play a serious but sloppy game, and some sucker comes along and figures to clean up on ‘em. Out comes the money. They turn around and run the damn table. Take all the mark’s cash, and blow.”

I still don’t follow.

“Rev. White knows what he’s doing. His man’s in a deep hole that White got him into, and he don’t like it. No matter what Obama says or does, it just gets worse. So White plays the Joker card. Every camera in the country is on him. Climbs up on his hind legs and makes a speech that is so lame brain, so outrageous, so way the hell over the top that not only does Obama get to denounce his ass, he’s gotta. And does.”

So White gets Obama out of it by cutting his own throat?

“Sure, what else? They tried everything they could think of and nothin’ worked. The minister parts the waters to save his flock. Only way out is through.”

Duck, that makes so much sense I can’t believe nobody else thought of it.

“Shit. Lotsa people thought of it. Just not the jawboning plastic hairpieces you see on the tube. Ain’t a hustler or a hooker or a street cop hasn’t been through this now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t routine.”

Duck Diamonds doesn’t care who’s president — hell, he doesn’t care if there even is a president — he’s just a gambler, measuring the odds, playing his hand.

They’re still laughing and grabbing asses at the bar. Guido made dinner for us both tonight. There’s thunder out over the Everglades, moving in. Don Tequila threatens to pour another Partida. I shake my head No and go home.

This entry was posted in The Adventures of Don Tequila. Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Step Right Up

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    Hmmmm, the Duck sure is smart . . .

  2. Beardsley says:

    Duck gives him ‘way too much credit. Rev. White is an egomaniac at the end of a career, accustomed to saying what he wants whenever he wants to with his own self-aggrandizement to indulge and nothing to lose. This was all about him — as always — and zero to do with Obama, the election, or anything else.

  3. Kent Standit says:

    Your pal Duck sounds like a paranoid conspiracy theorist. Of course, just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they’re not really after you.

  4. Ortho Stice says:

    Yeah, he’s paranoid. But he should ask himself, “Am I paranoid enough?”

  5. Dawgbowl says:

    So Duck figures that White is still in Obama’s corner, whether Obama wants him there or not. And the whole thing is theater. Is this the kind of minstrel show we want to see for the next 4 years?

  6. Ain't Sayin says:

    No way. This is typical eat-your-own conduct that has dragged down the black community since the time of slavery.

  7. Lois Terms says:

    If only Obama wore a flag lapel pin, none of this would matter.

  8. Old Timer says:

    I’m not buying. I watched enough of that pastor over the last few days to see the problem is all him. He’s an egomaniac threatened by the idea that somebody who used to be at best an equal is now ‘way out ahead of him. He just can’t handle being second fiddle in his own band. Pathetic. And yet, common enough.

  9. Ray Ed Gneck says:

    Look at this fiasco. Do you honestly not see why so many white people are uncomfortable about having a black president? Why is that “racist?”

  10. Shortnin Bread says:

    Gneck: Wrong conclusion. That same twisted thinking could more apply to the current administration, which is a much worse fiasco. Should white people be uncomfortable with a white president? Racist.

  11. FerfelaBat says:

    Geraldine Ferarro just said the same thing on Fox

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