Q-Tips

When he showed up at training camp one year wearing a shirt that had a “No Smegma” inscription, teammates were puzzled. And even after he defined “smegma” for them, that didn’t clear matters up as much as it did gross them out.

The Orlando Sentinel in Florida reported that [2007 Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow] helped circumcise Filipino boys during a missionary trip in General Santos City in Mindanao. On the recent weeklong trip to the orphanage his father’s ministry runs in Southeast Asia, Tim assisted in the care of more than 250 Filipinos who underwent medical and dental procedures, including circumcision.

Tim’s original task was to preach to the hundreds of people waiting in line before they had their teeth pulled or cysts removed. But as the day progressed, he looked for more active ways to help the three Filipino doctors. By the end of an exhausting day, he was wearing gloves and a mask, wielding surgical scissors, and helping the doctors in the circumcision of boys, finishing off stitches with a snip. — Asian Journal Online

I can hear it now: “Win One for the Snipper.”

Athletes have done worse things with little boys than this, but not nearly as strange. Midnighting as a mohl really invites scrutiny and snark from the media, who are always on the lookout for a flap (sorry).

It’s widely anticipated that the kid’s career will be stellar. Evidently he has Superstar Quarterback written all over him. So it’s only a matter of time before some of the males whose weenies he trimmed will be old enough to see him play professionally. That’s a peculiar scenario. You’re sitting in a bar somewhere watching Monday Night Football, and the Filipino man sitting beside you pipes up, “That’s my mohl in the backfield– always had great hands!” Man, I hear that I’d spit my Schlitz for sure.

In the huddle: “Go out 10, cut inside! The ball’ll be waiting.” Giggle. Snort. Dick jokes we haven’t dreamed of by the dozen every week.

I have to believe that somebody somewhere is collecting the surgically removed flesh, too, with the idea of e-Baying it in a few years. Q-Tips. End-Arounds. $25 each. Comes with Certificate of Authenticity.

And smegma-free.

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8 Responses to Q-Tips

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    squathole,
    this one’s a cut above the rest . . .

  2. Ted End says:

    What’s with all the clocks in the picture?

  3. Piles says:

    Yep, it’s there alright. You used the word “smegma.” Yep. You really did.

  4. Lu Senz says:

    I admit it’s a strange thing to do, even for an athlete, who, as group, do lots of strange things off the field. But it’s not a bad thing. On the contrary. While it’s odd he’s involved in circumcisions, it’s all to his credit that he’s helping doctors in 3rd world countries provide medical services.

    Let’s hear it for QB Tim Tebow! I’d shake his hand if he washed it first.

  5. Shortnin Bread says:

    Second Lu Senz. Most athletes today would prefer to circumcise third-world women, not boys.

  6. Michael Jackson says:

    Wonder if he could use some help down there. I mean, in the Philippines.

  7. Richard says:

    The State of Wisconsin does not approve.

  8. squathole says:

    Ted End: Read the post. What SHOULD I have put in the picture?

    Richard: I get that. That’s good. Thanks.

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