You Can Hump But You Can’t Hide

….not with heat-seeking technology on your tail trail.

Harrisburg, PA – A pilot’s nighttime romp in the woods with a flight attendant has ended with both suspended and under arrest, police said.

Jeffrey Paul Bradford, 24, and Adrianna Grace Connor, 24, both employees of Pinnacle Airlines Inc., were at a diner on Sunday night before they apparently decided to take a walk, police said.

Things went awry when people who live in the neighborhood summoned police around 9:30 p.m., saying they had seen a naked man and an intoxicated woman.

A helicopter with heat-seeking equipment was called in, and Bradford was discovered hiding behind a shed shortly before midnight. His only attire was a pair of flip-flops and a wristwatch.

Bradford, of Pittsburgh, was charged with indecent exposure, public drunkenness and other offenses. Connor, of Belleville, Mich., was charged with theft, public drunkenness and other offenses; police said she took a flashlight from a neighbor’s vehicle. — SFSS (emphasis added)

Why don’t we do it in the….woods, he asked.

Earlier in the week, we read about a sting operation in Tampa that bagged a FOX news employee beating off on a cop in a sex club. Now this, using aerial high-tech spy apparatus, no less. What happened to the heightened alert for terrorists our law enforcement agencies are supposed to be practicing?

Two 24-year olds getting drunk and naked in the woods doesn’t sound to me like Homeland Security material. Unlike the situation in upstate Florida, no house pets or farm animals were injured. Hell, I’m a bit envious. Who was harmed by this?

And why do the sphincter police have access to helicopters and heat-seeking technology? Talk about overkill. We’re dealing with a naked drunk, for chrissakes, not John Wilkes Booth or Osama bin Laden.

Call me old fashioned, but I’d like to think that pilots and airline personnel report to work in good mental condition, which certainly suggests they’re at least temporarily sexually content. You don’t want flight attendants or pilots groping one another or mounting the throttle at 30,000 feet, do you?

Write this down: The world will be a happier place when its human inhabitants have greater opportunities to sexually engage with one another. And when I’m President, that’s the way it will be. Do I have your vote?

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8 Responses to You Can Hump But You Can’t Hide

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    you got my vote.
    “Pinnacle” Airlines, what did they expect?

  2. Camiel Toe says:

    A Vote for Squats is a Vote for Twats. Count me in. Get me a tight tee shirt.

  3. Piles says:

    Rent a room, willya? If we wanted to see naked drunken amatuers having sex, we’d go to Key West.

  4. Mark Skid says:

    Your point about free love — that’s what we’re talking about, right? You old hippie? — aside, what kind of character is this airline pilot, carrying on like that? Is this the sort of person you want operating commercial aircraft?

  5. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  6. Sigmund Freud, Timothy Leary, John Lennon, and Camielle Paglia says:

    “The world will be a happier place when its human inhabitants have greater opportunities to sexually engage with one another.”

    Couldn’t agree with you more.

  7. Otto Moe Beal says:

    “Sexually engage with one another,” you say. Cool. How about that guy in England who humps a VW? Is he making the world a happier place? Or just his car?

  8. squathole says:

    You mean this guy, Otto? He’s tomorrow’s post.

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