Monthly Archives: June 2008

Say Aaaargh

A trip to the dentist! It’s everybody’s favorite thing, right? This should brighten your day: A Central Florida woman is filing a civil lawsuit against a dentist accused of dropping a screwdriver and another medical tool down her father’s throat … Continue reading

Posted in News From the Nation's Dicktip | 5 Comments

“Obama Hates Muslims”

I encounter Duck Diamonds, professional gambler, in his customary posture at the Liquor and Rubber Balls Sports Emporium and Dry Cleaners: planted deep in a booth, feet propped up with cell phone on his lap, an unlit cigar between his … Continue reading

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | 9 Comments

End Around

In what turns out to be his second gigantic flip-flop in as many weeks, Florida Governor Charlie Crist told an interviewer that yes, he’s in fact gay. Preparing for his annual climate-change summit meeting in Miami on Wednesday, Crist noted … Continue reading

Posted in News From the Nation's Dicktip | 5 Comments

New Hardware Detected

I suppose the problem stems from growing up as an American flower child. That and a lifetime of observation that convinces me that experience – not ideology, not education, certainly not blind faith — is the most reliable source of … Continue reading

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | 13 Comments

Pit Stop and Raising Cane

My object all sublime I shall achieve in time — To let the punishment fit the crime — The punishment fit the crime; And make each prisoner pent Unwillingly represent A source of innocent merriment! Of innocent merriment! –Gilbert & … Continue reading

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | 14 Comments

Father’s Day Story of the Year

….and maybe the decade. Turlock, CA — A 27-year-old man was killed by a police officer as he punched and stomped a toddler to death on a dark country road, the authorities said. [According to Sheriff’s Deputy Royjindar Singh,] the … Continue reading

Posted in People Who Died, Died | 10 Comments

Sadder Budweiser

Tending bar this slow weeknight, Don Tequila has the Wall Street Journal spread out and the Boston/Philly game on teevee when I walk in. He appears somewhat bemused. “It’s funny,” he tells me, drawing me a tall Grolsch. “InBev wants … Continue reading

Posted in The Adventures of Don Tequila | 12 Comments


Had your colonoscopy yet? Here’s mud in yer eye. The preparation for a colonoscopy consists of taking medication that projects everything not nailed down tight inside your body out your ass. Most of the time, this medication is a standard … Continue reading

Posted in Shaken and Stirred | 6 Comments

You Say To-MAH-to (I Spell Tomatoe)

The U.S. Department of Agriculture has deemed Florida-grown tomatoes safe and free from the salmonella outbreak impacting tomatoes in other states, Florida Agriculture and Consumer Services Commissioner Charles Bronson said. The Florida tomato industry generated $464 million in cash receipts … Continue reading

Posted in Uncategorized | 5 Comments

High Roller

Atlantic City, NJ. – A woman in a motorized wheelchair slammed into a hotel elevator, forcing the doors to open, and then fell about 30 feet down the shaft early Saturday, a city fire official said. It took firefighters about … Continue reading

Posted in NIMBY | 4 Comments