Wanted Dead or Alive (a love story)

Most Floridians are aware by now that in the state they call their home, it is not explicitly illegal to have sex with the family dog (or even a stray). Cattle, swine, poultry, even gators (I suppose) — when it comes to finding a sex partner on a lonely night of the blues, they’re all (sorry) fair game. It’s a way of life and a cultural practice rural Floridians and their representatives in Tallahassee stoutly defend.

A courtroom in Madison Wisconsin confronted an even more gruesome love affair:

Wisconsin law bans sex with dead bodies, the state Supreme Court ruled Wednesday in reinstating charges against three men accused of digging up a corpse so one of them could have sex with it.

The court waded into the grisly case after lower court judges ruled nothing in state law banned necrophilia. Those decisions prompted public outrage and a push by a state lawmaker to make sex with a corpse a crime.

In Wednesday’s 5-2 decision, the high court said Wisconsin law makes sex acts with dead people illegal because they are unable to give consent. — Jamaica Gleaner News

“Unable to give consent.” The cheddar-head court got it exactly right. The reason sex with children, mental defectives, and animals is Just Wrong is because they can’t say yes or no. Add corpses to the list. They can’t give consent, or head, for that matter. Well, but, shit. Never mind.

The rest of the story is even more entertaining, and a tribute to the power of the media:

Police say the three men, carrying shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms, went to a cemetery in southwestern Wisconsin in 2006 to dig up the body of Laura Tennessen, 20, who had been killed the week before in a motorcycle crash….[The defendant] had seen an obituary photo of her and asked the others for help digging up her corpse so he could have sexual intercourse with it, prosecutors say.

Got the plot? He spots a photo of her, falls ass over teakettle in animal lust, and figures he just has to have her. He gets his brother and a buddy to help him. Wonder if sloppy seconds was part of the deal.

* Sigh * True Love.

Next time the issue of bestiality comes up in the Florida Lege, this case needs to be mentioned so the law can be broadened to prohibit necrophilia as well. This being Florida, there’s probably an interest group that will lobby against it. After all, in a state where the elderly are routinely, even happily fucked by their families, legal guardians, and government, how different would it be if they were already dead?

This entry was posted in People Who Died, Died. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Wanted Dead or Alive (a love story)

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    would that law include sex with deadheads?

  2. Lois Terms says:

    “Police say the three men, carrying shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms….”

    What were the condoms for? Safe necrophilia?

  3. "Esq" a lawyer says:

    I appreciate the underlying principle, that consent is key to the relationship. But I believe it’s too broad as you state it.

    Taking your premise farther, having sex with a chicken you’ve purchased from a supermarket would be illegal: technically, it’s a dead animal incapable (on 2 counts) of giving its consent. Having sex in a knothole of a tree in your back yard would be illegal: it’s a living thing that can’t give consent.

    The standard is on the right track, but needs careful refining. Meanwhile, when in doubt, Keep It Wrinkled.

  4. Ted End says:

    What’s up with the Necco mints?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s