Tallahassee, FL A 40-year-old man walking his dog in the nude was Tasered by police when he refused to follow an officer’s commands. Asked what he was doing, the man told the officer, “Allah told me to watch a Bruce Willis movie and walk the dog.” MyFoxOrlando
Only after I noodled it out that in fact it was the man who was naked, not the dog, did some other questions occur to me. So I place a call to Tallahassee, and get Police Department Public Relations Officer Cynthia Scank on the phone .
“I can’t tell you much more than you know from the news article,” she begins.
“The arresting officer was concerned that he might be armed with a concealed weapon.”
Do we even want to talk about where he could have concealed it?
“Not on office hours, but if this turns you on, I’ll speak to you when I get home.”
So, did anybody call Allah? Or Bruce Willis? Does this guy’s story check out?
“Allah wasn’t in. We left a VM. Willis’s agent claimed to know nothing about it, but he offered to send us tickets if we never call him again.”
I’ll take that deal, too. Has anybody talked to the dog?
“The dog doesn’t understand the fuss. It’s naked in public all the time. Even shits once or twice a day with everybody looking on. Nobody ever Tasered his ass for that.”
So, where’s the case now?
“Perp is in a loony bin getting tested. Woman who called it in is home, fine and calm. Arresting officer with the Taser owes a report which he’ll file after talking to his union rep. Bruce Willis remains a complete asshole.And the streets are safe once again.”
Thanks, Officer Scank.The world will sleep well tonight. What about the dog?
“Lonely and horny. Interested? I’ll give him your number.”