Urban Removal

Broward Sheriff’s Office announced charges against 85 alleged crack cocaine dealers as part of a six-month investigation called “Operation Street Sweeper.” Ranging in age from 14 to 62, the suspects are accused of selling drugs to undercover deputies 220 times, with one dealer returning on 13 separate occasions.

The suspects include 10 juveniles and 8 women, Sheriff Al Lamberti said. All the suspects are residents of Dania Beach. All were videotaped selling drugs in about a four-square mile area.

Based on the 29,000 people who live in Dania Beach, according to Mayor Al Jones, the breakdown is about one crack dealer for every 341 residents. Sun-Sentinel

That’s an impressive ratio. How could a 1-street, broken-down seaside resort town support so many enterprising criminals? I call the Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce — down to 3 members, now — for information, and get Donald “Dusty” Mote on the horn.

“We’re glad to see those pushers taken off the street,” he tells me, heartily. “They were really giving the city a black eye.”

Well, crime does that.

“Oh, it wasn’t the crime factor. They were successful. They were making a lot of money. Right here in Dania Beach! Can you imagine? One thing the city fathers can’t stomach is success, legal or illegal. These bastards had to go!”

You mean like the restaurants, realtors, motels, small businesses, and convenience stores you’ve forced out over the years?

“Damn betcha! And don’t forget the antique shops and sex emporiums! Some of these places managed to survive all the blight we manufactured and plywood storefronts we arranged for better’n ten years! What kind of example is that? So this time we brought in the county to help us out. Ha ha!”

That’ll teach anybody to try to make a living in Dania, alright.

“Y’know, we spent the last 18 months here in town repaving US-1 and beautifying the medians just so anybody coming through town keeps on going, from one end to the other, without a thought of stopping to buy anything or look around. That asphalt road is smooth and clean as a cheerleader’s thighs. You think we want successful roadside businesses to interfere with people’s driving through? Doesn’t matter if it’s sex, drugs, or a fresh vegetable stand! If it’s successful, it’s gotta go! And so do I. Nice talking with you.” Click.

And here I thought that road work was just to make sure the unions were working in an election year. Besides, Dania’s so small its main drag is a transvestite. And now the empty streets are safe for, well, for nobody. And nothing. Because that’s all that’s there.

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12 Responses to Urban Removal

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    One pusher for 31 people? Maybe we need smaller classrooms? Oh, no that’s teachers. Never mind.

  2. Nobody and Nothing says:

    Thanks for the plug! Dania Beach is our home town, and we’re staying!

  3. Hollywood Hal says:

    I’m always pleased to see Dania get dumped on, but where’d you get that photo? There’s no place like that in Dania, and never was.

  4. Dawgbowl says:

    Last time I was in Dania I wiped my feet on the way out.

  5. Living Will says:

    The article notes that juveniles were among those arrested. It seems criminal to discourage kids’ entrepreneurial spirit like that. Bummer.

  6. Ron Simons says:

    DAMN! Mayor Albert Jones just lost all those votes from the boys in da hood.

  7. Mayor Jones says:

    Come speak your mind at our commission meetings if you have something to say. We’s then will tell you you cant speak because its something that I dont want to hear about.

  8. DBDD says:

    Dania Beach Department of Downtown Deconstruction
    Here is a list of businesses and projects we are proud to have cancelled or closed.
    Pirates Inn
    Dania Beach Hotel (boarded up how we like them)
    Chocolate Jungle (Sherwin Williams their brown paint is chocolate)
    Also the gay nightclub that gave it a shot in the same location.
    Kevins Bicycles (Kevin sold out prior to divorce and went back to Lee’s and from what we hear is now part owner)
    Rose Auto (.99 cent store to attract homeless)
    Captain Mikes Seafood (someone else moved in)
    Drydock (vacant)
    Seafair (never was a sucess)
    Rainbow Too Cafe (Armadillo Cafe is giving it shot)
    Lobster Trap
    The Fish Grill (building demolished)
    Bennett Auto Supply (building still vacant)
    Obsession Watersports (gone)
    Island Watersports (gone vacant)
    Garrisons Auto Repair (vacant)
    Scott Forman Art (left town) now Wireless Toys in our old bank building.
    Nautical Art (moved out, vacant)
    Western Union (vacant)
    Moderno Furniture (vacant)
    Mr Sharpey Locksmith (moved further south)
    Karate school next to the Mobil station.
    The Fetish Box (forced out by Shitty Hall)
    Liquor Locker (gone)
    TugBoat Annies, and Harbor Grill (couldnt pay their vendors)
    Museum with the Dinosaur on it on US-1
    Best of all Antique stores that dont open on weekends when people would shop in them. They sell on Ebay to pay their rent.
    On going constuction on US-1.
    Where are our speedbumps on SE 5 Ave?
    Where are out speedbumps on SE 2 Ave?
    Next election, I dont care who it is, I am voting in all new faces.

  9. The Dinosaur at the graves Museum says:

    Damn right I got out of Dania. You think extinct animals don’t know when to quit? That place is more fossilized than I EVER was!

  10. Denny says:

    “Dania’s so small its main drag is a transvestite”

    Thats so great that you have heard of me. I have been walking US-1 for years and I even got to be on COPS once when Sheriff Nick was in charge.

    Keep lookin’ for me, I will rock your world!

    Kisses Denny!

  11. Ted End says:

    Denny — where in Dania beach are you? I only know of the IHOP on Stirling.

  12. Denny says:

    Just drive up and down US-1. I am the most beautiful ebony princess walking the main drag as you call it. You will find me and I promise I will rock your world and take you to new places.

    Kisses

    Denny

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