Wednesday Smorgasbord: Part III

An Ink-onvenient Truth?

The Marine Corps is no longer allowing marines who have extra-large tattoos on their arms to serve as recruiters or security guards at American embassies. A Marine Corps spokesman, Capt. Carl Redding, said the service’s top general has extended a regulation on these so-called “sleeve” tattoos on biceps and forearms. Captain Redding said the general, James T. Conway noted in his new order that recruiters and embassy guards had “significant impact on public perception” because of their daily dealings with civilians. NY Times

…and I take it that “significant impact” is a negative one.  How so?  I thought tattoos were, like, cool and sexy and shit like that.

“They’re nothing of the sort,” says Lieutenant Major Bennett Itzbrocahn, when I call.  Lt. Maj. Itzbrocahn heads up Marine Recruitment in the Southeast.  “The Corps tolerated them for a number of years, but times change, and they’re no longer acceptable.”

What — all of a sudden they’re ugly?  Downscale?  An emblem of cheap trash personality and self-loathing?  Some of us have been saying that for years.

“No, that wasn’t the deciding factor,” replies the career soldier.  “The real tipping point came when the Brass looked around and discovered that most of these kinds of tattoos were, um,…”

Gay?

“Yes, dammit.  Most people inking themselves like this are female or gay,” he says, wearily.  “Not that the Marines don’t welcome women….”

Straight women.  Right?  The ones who swallow, not swipe.  (Saw that on a tee shiort somewhere, probably Key West.)

“Right.  That’s off the record.  But that’s the deal.  The general public walks by, sees the great big tattoos on these muscleblound crewcut crisp uniformed guys and figures they’re all queer as $3 bills.  That’s not the image the Marines want to put out there.”  Incredibly, he starts getting weepy.  ‘Scuse me, sir, gotta go.”

Wow.  Tough break for the tattooed lifers.

And can you imagine nursing homes at the end of this century?  All these white haired old ladies sitting around the bridge table with wrinkly inked up arms and thighs and low-slung tits……ugh. If that doesn’t curdle your whey, what will?

Fortunately, I’ll be dead.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Wednesday Smorgasbord: Part III

  1. USMC says:

    Where do you live, faggot? I want to talk to you.

  2. Fran G'Panni says:

    “Swallow, not swipe.” Not sure how that works, but as a swiper, I laughed.

    I estimate that here in KW the tattoo shops do about 70/30 female to male business. A good proportion of both are gay. Seem to be a lot of tourists, too.

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