Satan Bakin’

Say good-bye to summer, and with it all the fond rituals combining to make it the earth’s best season: ice cold beer on a sweltering day, endless sunshine, sultry evenings on a salt-air beach, the wafting smoke of barbecued……hey.  THAT’s not shrimp….

A gang of devil worshippers killed and ate four Russian teenagers in a sickening ritual.The Satanists stabbed each of their victims a terrifying 666 times before dismembering their bodies and cooking them on a bonfire.

Whoa!  The old sicks-sicks-sicks, eh?  Well, I call bullshit.  Highly unlikely that Satanists can count that high.

The four pals – described as “Goths” – were lured one by one to a country cottage and were allegedly forced to get drunk before the revolting ritual began.  Hair from the victims was apparently found in the embers of the bonfire.

Why haven’t we seen this on youtube?  Or at least Youtied?

Cops arrested eight Satan worshippers in connection with the killings after finding out that all four victims had telephoned Nikolai Ogolobyak, the alleged leader of the Satan gang. His apartment lies just 250 metres from where their remains were discovered.

One of the arrested Satanists said: “Satan will help me to avoid responsibility, I made lots of sacrifices to him.”

Amazing how they all seem to fall back on this line of defense, whether they’re Satanists, abortion clinic bombers, Muslim terrorists, garden variety father rapers, or just dangerous whack jobs.  They all got clout with their own personal god who takes care of ‘em.

Another suspect  said the gang had previously dug up a dead girl’s grave and eaten her heart and a third suspect said he turned to Satan because praying to God did not make him rich.  “I tried to turn to God, but it didn’t bring me any money. I prayed to Satan, and things improved.”

There you go.  The scientific method.  Cause and effect.  If only small town school board Creationists were as practiced at formal logic as these cannibalistic kid Satanists..

Teachers of the alleged Satanists said all had been moody at school and of lower than average intelligence.

See what happens when schools cut back on the football program?  Thuggish morons, forced to do without their drugs and organized mayhem, seek less desirable outlets.  You don’t see UM students cannibalizing one another, do you?  That’s because all the underperforming emotional retards are out popping pills and batting their skulls into goal posts.

The distraught father of one of the victims said, “My son said he knew some Goths, and that he had Goths and Satanists among his friends.  I wasn’t scared. I thought ‘Well, let him spend his time sitting around in a cemetery, there’s not much harm in that is there?'”

Sorry, Dad.  Really.  Hanging out in a cemetery won’t hurt you if you’re buried in it, but for the living and breathing, it suggests a disorder somewhere.  And I don’t mean a marble fetish.

I suspect these Eight Men Out have enjoyed their last summer barbecue.  Maybe their last summer, period.  Rather hope so.

Source: The Sun

This entry was posted in People Who Died, Died. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Satan Bakin’

  1. Corpse says:

    Damn kids. With al their noise and boozing, they could wake the dead.

  2. Kent Standit says:

    Great post! But why’d you leave out this little detail from the original story:

    Russian cops discovered the teenager’s limbs, hearts and scalps in a pit in the Yaroslavl region around 300 miles from Moscow, along with the dead body of a small rodent crucified on an upside-down cross,

    They crucified a rat! Upside down, no less! How freaking drunk do you need to be to go THAT route?

    Hope PETA weighs in.

  3. Marquis deSade says:

    Thanks for the youtied link. I love this century.

  4. PETA says:

    We’d get involved, but we’re busy writing letters to Ben & Jerry’s about using human milk in their products instead of cows’.

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