Afterlife Extra

The fat of the land is now buried in it.

Cincinnati  – Ohio executed a 5-foot-7, 267-pound double murderer who argued his obesity made death by lethal injection inhumane.

Richard Cooey, 41, died at 10:28 a.m. Tuesday at the Southern Ohio Correctional Facility in Lucasville, said Jim Gravelle, a spokesman with state attorney general’s office.

There were no immediate reports of difficulties finding suitable veins to deliver the deadly chemicals, a problem that has delayed previous executions in the state. Cooey’s attorneys had argued that his weight problem would make it difficult for prison staff to access a vein. —

MSNBC dispatched a reporter to the Gates of Hell for a post-mortem interview, but received no word back yet.  “This being an election year, there’s bound to be some processing backups,” a spokesman explained.

Meanwhile, here on earth, a judge steps in to protect the rights of god:

Ernie Chambers, a Nebraska state senator, sought a “permanent injunction” that ordered God to stop causing “widespread death, destruction and terrorisation of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants”.

It identified the defendant, said to be “also known by various aliases, titles, names, designations” as “present in all places at the same time” and “the admitted perpetrator of the deleterious acts complained of herein”.

The suit also claimed the “defendant” has “manifested neither compassion nor remorse, proclaiming that Defendant ‘will laugh’ when calamity comes”.

But Marlon Polk, Douglas County district court judge, ruled that under state law, a plaintiff must have access to the defendant and be able to serve papers on him or her for a lawsuit to go ahead.

“Given that this court finds that there can never be service effectuated on the named defendant this action will be dismissed with prejudice,” the judge wrote.–

There are more than a few names by which Sen Chambers is known in his home state, too, most of which never appear in family newspapers.

I wonder if Chambers was suing for monetary damages, and if so, how much, and how he anticipated collecting a judgment.  Most of all, what was he planning to do with the money?

Anyway, he has 30 days to appeal.  Wonder how long he has to live.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment, People Who Died, Died. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Afterlife Extra

  1. Claude Eustace Teal says:

    MSNBC didn’t have to send a reporter to hell, they have a permanent news desk there.

  2. Frank of Oregon says:

    Ernie Chambers has been a blowhard his entire career, always on the make for some self-promotion. Using the courts to send his message of applied agnostics was a waste of time and newsprint. Whoever filed this case should be fined for abusing the system.

  3. Lois Terms says:

    Dontcha luvit? He rapes and murders 2 college kids and complains 20 years later he’ll be treated “inhumanely.” They should lower his sniveling fat ass into boiling oil, inch by scalding inch.

    Have a great weekend.

  4. Ms Calabaza says:


    I’m with you.

  5. Agustin Farinas says:

    the only thing inhuman about this story, was to let this scumbag and poor excuse for a human being reamin alive for 20 years since the crime was committed.

  6. "Esq." a Lawyer says:

    Situations like this one. it always looks from out here like the system is FUBAR, and maybe it is. The victims’ families get to grind their teeth while the system just grinds along, knowing this clod was festering away, but alive.

    And sure, we entertain sadistic thoughts regarding his just desserts.

    But one sign of a civilization is the way it administers justice and fairness, including punishment. We’re no better than this puke if we stoop to his level with torture, lynching, denial of justice. We just need to be bigger, and sure, people like the families suffer for the sake of the system, for the sake of us all.

    Fact is, he got his, so the slow, cruel, maddening system worked.

  7. ACORN says:

    Maybe he’s dead, but according to OUR records, he can vote 44 times in two separate districts. We LOVE Ohio!

  8. Ortho Stice says:

    Yeah, fine Esq. But it wouldn’t bother most of us, I suspect, if as part of the justly earned punishment for some these nastier crimes like rape and abuse the convict got a public flogging. Forty stiff blood-drawing lashes would be about right. Shit, you could sell sponsorships for something like this.

  9. Barbara Ganoush says:

    I agree with Ortho. I’ve said for years that public floggings should be brought back as a spectator sport. Not only as a deterrent to crime, but for the entertainment of the fans. makes a lot more sense than Nascar.

  10. superbee says:

    Screw the fatty who got the needle…

    that old codger tried to get an injunction against GOD?!

    I’d love to see a copy of that order. And I’d love to see Nebraska’s version of Fla. Stat. 57.105 – if I were that judge, there would be some saaaaanctions coming down on whoever filed that suit.

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