Jaws of Victory

Meet my friend from college.  We call him Ralph.  Say good-bye to Ralph.

TAIPEI – A man died just as he was about to win a university binge eating contest in Taiwan, scoffing down two buns filled with rice and cheese as well as some of his teammate’s food, the college said on Friday.

[Ralph], the 23-year-old, described as tall and strong, vomited relentlessly, passed out and died on Thursday during the “Big Stomach King” contest at Dayeh University in central Taiwan. He had pulled ahead of 30 other teams.

“I can’t say why [Ralph] died,” said Huang Te-hsiang, the university’s dean of student affairs. “He had been in the contest before. [Ralph] was a strong guy.”

The graduate student, surnamed [Ralph] Chen, may have eaten too fast rather than too much, a campus publicist said. Chen was on course to win the five-year-old annual competition, she said. He would have won T$2,000 ($60). — yahoo news

350px-vomiting_for_dummiesGood thing the “campus publicist” was on hand to provide color commentary as Ralph “vomited relentlessly, passed out, and died (died).”  Well, there goes an easy $60, not to mention dinner for 12.

I’m trying to imagine how the telephone call to Ralph’s parents might have gone.  “Hello, Ralph’s Mom?  This is the Provost.  I’m sorry to tell you your son didn’t win the ‘Big Stomach King’ contest this year, but he’s eligible for a discount burial once we clean his fat ass up.”

Finally, imagine what vomited rice and cheese must look like, mixed with bile spotted with blood.  That should have inspired lots of Ralph wannabes.  So the show must go on.

This entry was posted in People Who Died, Died. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Jaws of Victory

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    OK, so I admit we watch the hot dog eating contest every 4th of July. It is a sport, after all! Poor kid, I guess you have to pace yourself . . .

  2. Ruh Roh says:

    Don’t be such a snot, Squat-o. Competitive eating isn’t any dumber than NASCAR. Not any smarter, either.

  3. Joe Balls says:

    Apparently he was doing okay until he saw a photo of Rosie O’Donnell in a 2-piece.

  4. Madam I says:

    Hey at least he got out and did something with his wretched life. He could have been home in front of the tube watching Bass Pro Masters. Yes what is more lame that Bass Fishing? you ask… Sitting on your Ass watching Bass, remote in one hand, beer in the other (or something else if you don’t drink).

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s