facialsI ask Guido if she thinks the word “facial” is funny.  She gives me the look they teach at Wife School.  You know, a combination of weariness and contempt, with just a touch of pity, tempered with martyrdom.  Married men get used to this.

I think it’s funny, of course, because I don’t associate the word with a beauty treatment.  Treatment BY a beauty, perhaps.  Porn aficionados understand perfectly.  You can tell you’re talking to one one because they laugh when they hear it.

Anyway, the following two stories are but marginally connected to any of these insights, even though they both involve faces.  In Indian River County.  What is it about that place?  Pesticide in the water?

INDIANTOWN – Martin County Sheriff’s Office deputies arrested a man who threw hot sweet potato pie in his girlfriend’s face on Thanksgiving because he didn’t like the food, according to a Sheriff’s Office report.

On Thanksgiving, Christopher Ford, 46, went to his home on the 8400 block of Southeast Fern Street. When he got home he asked for something to eat, according to the report.  But Ford was upset with the meal his girlfriend fixed for him and they got into an argument in the kitchen. While arguing, Ford picked up the sweet potato pie his girlfriend had recently removed from the oven and slammed it into her face, according to the report.

[T]he victim was transported to Martin Memorial Hospital South to treat the burns and blisters on her neck from the hot pie, according to the report. Sun Sentinel.com

James Cagney would be proud if he weren’t dead.  And then….

INDIAN RIVER COUNTY – A Vero Beach man is accused of assaulting his girlfriend multiple times with a McDonald’s cheeseburger, according to his arrest affidavit.

The woman told the Indian River County Sheriff’s Office she was sitting a car in front of the home she shares with Vincent Gonzalez, 22, of the 300 block of 12th Road, Vero Beach. The couple began arguing and Gonzalez would not allow her to leave the car, the affidavit said. The woman threw Gonzalez’s drink out of the car, the report said. In response, Gonzalez grabbed the woman’s arm and forced the cheeseburger into her face, the report said. Both of them stepped out of the vehicle and Gonzalez smashed the cheeseburger again into the woman’s face.

Deputies charged Gonzalez with battery domestic violence. He remained in the Indian River County Jail Wednesday in lieu of $1,000 bail. — SunSentinel.com

Big Smac.  Assault with a tasteless weapon.  Hold the assault and pepper.  Put on a Happy Meal Face.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

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4 Responses to Facials

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    Aw, young love . . .

    BTW, the old man LOVED this line . . .
    ‘She gives me the look they teach at Wife School. You know, a combination of weariness and contempt, with just a touch of pity, tempered with martyrdom. Married men get used to this.’

  2. cara says:

    Ow. Another thing they teach in Wife School. Men cannot sleep with one eye open forever….

  3. Dawgbowl says:

    Hey who said you could use my picture?

    Cara: I was married twice to the same woman. It’s a long story, but we’re no longer married (although we are dating. Don’t ask).

    Point is, when we were married, I never slept real well beside her. One eye open, like you say. But when we’re just dating, I sleep fine when we’re together. I don’t worry about anything, just fall deep asleep.

    Go figger.

  4. cara says:

    Dawg: Did you change the beneficiary on your life insurance and do you live in a community property state? That could explain your distinct lack of anxiety.

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