Like a Hole in the Head

I had a simply awful day at work.  Another deadline, another on-line application with ambiguous and professionally degrading instructions that are the ruination of philanthropic endeavor….long story.  Another losing career battle in which I play General Custer.  Nobody cares.

So imagine my relief when straight after work I head for the Liquor & Rubber Balls Sports Emporium and Javelin Catching Instruction Academy, only to walk into yet another political catfight among the lesbian patrons.

sweet-caroline“You fucking liberals are all the same,” are the first words I hear.

It’s Cosmo again.  I steer clear, and make eye contact with Don Tequila (bartending tonight), who draws me a cold pint of Grolsch.  Cosmo is in somebody’s face — not a regular; I don’t recognize her but her grip on the neck of her Corona bottle raises flags  — and evidently they’ve been at it for a while.

“You jumped all over Sarah Palin, didn’t you?” snarls Cosmo.  “Unqualified.  Inexperienced.  Caribou Barbie doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ice.  Right?”

“Don’t leave out her parenting skills and primitive church,” smirks Corona.

“But you don’t see a goddam thing wrong with Sweet Caroline Kennedy waltzing into the Senate to replace Swillary Clinton.  Never held office in her life, unless you count being born Princess of Camelot.  No problem for you at all, uh-huh?”

“Caroline Kennedy was freakin BORN with more political sense than most lifers in Congress,” snaps Corona.  “She’s been active locally, raised a ton of money for New York schools, worked behind the scenes for Obama and his transition team, and knows everybody worth knowing.  Ain’t an American over 3o who doesn’t know who she is.”

“That’s all it takes to be senator from New York?” sneers Cosmo.  “A celebrity?  How about Joan Jett?  At least she was born there!  Godawmighty.  All this shit about a heartbeat away and paying your dues and knowing the system right out the window when it comes to another cornholing Kennedy.”

I wonder (silently) if that’s true about the Kennedy’s.  No wonder they’re popular in New England.

Corona swallows her beer.  “I can’t believe you’d compare Sarah Palin’s leadership credentials with Caroline Kennedy’s,” she tells Cosmo.  “Didn’t you see her bio?”

“Bio, cryo.  If her name’s Pishmish Shame instead of Cunteddy, nobody knows who she is.  Hey, if all they want is to keep the chromosome count the same, there’s plenty of ball-less Demo’s they can appoint.  Like, any of ’em.”

“Bitch, if you weren’t half my size and twice as drunk…….”

That’s when Don Tequila wisely makes his presence known, and I go into my invisible act.  Holy nipple clamps.  Dems aren’t even in office yet and they’re alienating people left and right, slipping right back into piss-off-the-people mode with their pandering on one hand, and their tone-deaf politics on the other.

Wonder if Caroline Kennedy can field-dress a moose.  Probably not.  Maybe an intern.  Well, it’s a start.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

10 Responses to Like a Hole in the Head

  1. ya'gotta'guessit says:

    No, no, no…no more fucking Kennedys!

    The Irish Blonde and I had an understanding…I was allowed to spew venom at all of the other K’s, but NOT Caroline – and it was *because* she kept her tapered beak out of politics!

    I agreed, and stuck to pointing out Teddy’s inability to fucking die, Robert (that goddam gasbag) Junior’s hypocritical disdain for windmills off Cape Cod, and Patrick’s psychedelic moonlight freakout on the Capital steps.

    All well and good, but now, THIS!!

    We’ll NEVER be rid of these bastards – they breed like rabbits, are immune to alcohol poisoning, and apparently can never be charged with a crime.

    It’s just not right.

  2. 'nonymous says:

    The hole in the head reference is just wrong, man.

  3. Joe Balls says:

    It it was possible to insult a New Yorker, this would do it. Other than her name, why is she even being talked about for this job?

  4. Camiel Toe says:

    Did she really say “Cunteddy”?

    This all goes back to the fact that for all our drivel about being equals in America, we really worship at least the idea of royalty, and in politics,the Kennedy family is as close as we get. Sad on many levels.

  5. Hose B says:

    Can’t wait for the Right to start blaming “the MSM” for this.

  6. Anonymous says:

    Squatty,
    now really, other than having a famous name what on earth has Caroline Kennedy done in her lifetime to be deserving of that Senate seat? Aren’t there many other Democartas who have conributed more to the state of New York than this woman? Aren’t there many more people qualified to be in that Senate seat than good old Caroline? This reeks a mile away of a political payoff for services rendered for uncle Ted’s endorsement of Obama early on in the campaign. In other words, is politics as usual.

  7. Ms Calabaza says:

    “Holy nipple clamps!” Bwahahahaha! I love it . . . you oughta suggest this to the writers for the next Batman movie.

  8. Ted End says:

    Are those girls in the bar stoopid or what? Palin has a retarded child, and Caroline has a retarded aunt. There NOTHING alike.

  9. Ortho Stice says:

    Not that I really feel for them, but it’s probably really aggravating to ambitious people who have clawed their way into elected office in New York only to get overlooked when a nobody with a famous name ciuts into line like this.

  10. Ruh Roh says:

    That Life Magazine cost only 25 cents? What can you get for 25 cents today?

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