Bail THIS Out

Wasn’t that a great speech on Thursday from POTUS-elect?  Had Monkey Boy been half that articulate in the last 8 years, why, I’d have bought him a bunch of bananas myself.

But he left out one ingredient, and thank god, Larry Flynt is here to help:

Porn kings Larry Flynt and Joe Francis are calling on the US government to revive the sex lives of Americans by providing a $5 billion bailout of the country’s adult entertainment industry.  The pair said while the porn industry was still viable, the economic crunch had taken its toll.

pussy-flashing-pornography-internet-popularity-2Francis said as the government was prepared to bail out other faltering industries such as car-manufacturers, they should be willing to help the porn industry.  “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses; we feel we deserve the same consideration,” the statement is reported to have said.

Flynt said the downturn was having an unhealthy affect on the sexual appetites of Americans.  “People are too depressed to be sexually active,” the website reported him as saying.  “This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”  —  stuff.co.nz

Wow!  Right on.  And not a word about crush videos, either (see post below).

Compared to the titans of banking and finance, porn czars like Larry Flynt are the epitome of integrity and straight (!) talk.  They sell sex.  Period.  You pay, they deliver.  They don’t create artificial investment schemes that bring down the entire world’s economy, then scurry behind their hired guns to clear their names and plea bargain.  They sell you a magazine or a video, and it’s all in your hands from there.  Aaaaah.

If Bernie Madoff and his team of fucksticks were one fraction as honest, Jewish philanthropy would still be underwriting Gershwin concerts in Palm Beach.

What a wonderful week of news to start the year.  Happy Friday, everybody!

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8 Responses to Bail THIS Out

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    Compared to the titans of banking and finance, porn czars like Larry Flynt are the epitome of integrity and straight (!) talk. They sell sex. Period. You pay, they deliver.

    I AGREE.

    If only Wall Street and our government were that honest !

    Bail’m out!

  2. Frank of Oregon says:

    Well fine, except they don’t NEED a bailout. The porn business is, well, swollen with profits.

  3. cara says:

    It’s so beautiful, it brings a tear to my eye. Porn kings are branching out into satire. Beautiful. Just….beautiful.

  4. Fran G'Panni says:

    Think they could swing this? My bet is they’d run into stiff opposition. yuk.

  5. Ex-Sen Larry Craig says:

    While I agree with Mr. Flynt that a nation without sex is an unhealthy one, a bailout would be a misappropriation of taxpayer dollars. Instead, citizens should spend more time in airport rest rooms.

    That’s my (wide) stance on the topic.

  6. Lois Terms says:

    Larry Flynt is a complete lowlife, but likening him to the zillionaire bankers who took the bailout money and disappeared it overnight isn’t fair. You owe him an apology.

  7. Fly Guy says:

    If Bernie Madoff and his team of fucksticks were one fraction as honest, Jewish philanthropy would still be underwriting Gershwin concerts in Palm Beach.”

    If that’s the end of Gershwin concerts, then at least one good thing has come out of that fiasco.

  8. Ortho Stice says:

    Seems like the bail-outs could be cross-marketed for maximum efficiency. Like what about subsidizing cars with extra-wide back seats to facilitate sex? Or offering government discounts for vehicles with the Porn Station built in. Let’s get (a) creative and (b) laid!

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