We’ve had some daylight break-ins around the neighborhood over the last few months. Pretty standard stuff: somebody quietly goes through a window, looks for something portable and valuable like jewelry or cash, then departs through a door. The police have few leads and besides, in Hollywood they’re far too busy with their revenue-producing speed traps on Sheridan and Sterling Roads, where I see them damn near every morning.
Last week the guy on the corner got hit. This week it was my next-door neighbors, but the break-in artists miscalculated: it’s a retired couple with irregular hours, so they arrived home to catch them in the act. Attempting to flee, the perps were caught and arrested.
I despise these neighbors: loud, lowlife rednecks that they are, we’ve been feuding for better than 20 years. A coward and a sneak, he waits until I’m not home and vandalizes my landscaping which he hates because (he says) it’s ugly, dirty, and drops leaves in his pool. (I call it guerilla gardening.) Guido never let me rip his face off (“Just because he’s an asshole doesn’t mean you have to be one, too“), but the fact is, the one time I shoved him on his ass reduced his enthusiasm for further hostilities. I won’t start anything — I’m twice his size and ten years younger, and not a bully — but now, finally, he knows not to try to get away with anything.
So while I’m glad the cops got the creeps responsible for the crime, I’m sorely pissed that the thieves weren’t armed and didn’t aerate Caveman and Cuntwife. Or shish kabob a vital organ. Or cause heart failure, or better yet, a debilitating stroke that would have them shitting in diapers and drooling snot out their maws for the rest of their lives. Or at least beat the crap out of them, break some bones, and trash the house.
Nothing. Their property was even recovered from a neighbor’s yard.
Further proof there is no god — no one to pray to or worship.
Guido finds my attitude a trifle unseemly. Something about karma, too. Strikes me that karma dropped the ball here with this golden opportunity next door. A murder or two would have taken care of C&C and removed the perps permanently. Now they’re all still sharing my universe, making life miserable.
Maybe they’ll decide the neighborhood is too dangerous, and walk up their asses and disappear forever. I’m not greedy. I’d celebrate that.
photo: “Handcuffs and Bum.” Nothing relevant, just a nice pic!