I Scream You Scream

‘Way too serious so far this week.  So….

Fort Pierce, FL  Authorities said a man shoved an ice cream bar down his pants and then offered a Texaco station store owner $69 not to turn him in for shoplifting. The owner told police that a 65-year-old man tried to sneak the Klondike bar, along with packages of Ramen noodles and Famous Amos cookies, out of the store without paying Tuesday night.

When the store owner confronted the man as he tried the leave the store, the owner reported that the man pulled the flattened ice cream snack out of his back pocket and offered the owner $69 for it.  The owner called the police [who arrested him].  —BaltimoreSun.com

Study Questions

1.  With that much money on him, why would he try to steal less than $10 worth of commodities?  For the sport of it?  If it was the thrill of sticking food products up his ass, couldn’t he have done that just as easily AFTER he paying for them?  Discuss the motive here without referencing the full moon.

2.  Given the items selected — ice cream, cookies, and noodles —  one possibility is SCMS (Seniorklondike-bar Citizen Munchies Syndrome).  As boomers age, police report more and more incidents.  Does this possibility mitigate his guilt?  Would the same be true if he were a pregnant 30 year old experience intense cravings?   Defend your answer.

3.  Assuming the store owner turned over the stolen goods for evidence, he’s out the entire cost when he could have taken up to $69 and thrown the old klepto our on his frozen bum.  Evaluate the owner’s business model in tight economic times.

4.  If you were the arresting officer, would you consider allowing the perp to eat the ice cream, then tack on a count of destroying evidence just for amusement sake?   Don’t cops deserve a laugh to break up their routine?  You some kind of hard ankle or something?

5.  Extra credit:  Explain what the hell is a Klondike Bar.

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5 Responses to I Scream You Scream

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    As someone dx-ed with SCMS – yes, this should definitely be a mitigating factor in sentencing. Pregnant women – yes, except maybe there should be a disclaimer for special situations such as octomom . . .

  2. Mister E says:

    I’ll have what she’s having.

  3. Ted End says:

    Okay, I think I got all 5 right. Where do I send my answers?

    A Klondike Bar is a place where Klondikes drink alcohol, right?

  4. Lois Terms says:

    Question 6: Why was this story reported in the Baltimore Sun?

  5. Borkon says:

    Give Ted End an A+ — he’s the smartest kid in the classroom. Hey Ted — ever hear of a Klondfag Bar?

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