“I Can See Clearly Now”

Ten children at a day care center drank windshield wiper fluid after the owner served it from a container mistaken for Kool-Aid and placed in a refrigerator, the authorities said. Doctors say the children, ages 2 to 7, drank about an ounce of the blue fluid Thursday before realizing it tasted wrong, said Dr. Laura James, a pediatric pharmacologist and toxicologist at Arkansas Children’s Hospital..  — NY Times

Got that?  Plan A was to serve the kids Kool-Aid.  In the beloved home state of former President Blowjob, this is considered health food.  But some brain-dead clod stuck windshield wiper fluid in the fridge, where a certified family services professional found and served it,  thinking it was as a refreshing sugar-saturated beverage for pre-teens.

1425822797_1e31eaac3aGawd Above, I’m glad (a) I don’t have kids, and (2) I’m not an Arkansawyer.

“It tasted wrong.”  What little Obadiah meant was, it tasted just like the Kickapoo Joy Juice Mom and Dad brew in their backyard still to guzzle out of jelly jars on Saturday nights, which the kids drain dry once the ‘rents pass out.

Here’s a recommendation: never drink anything blue.  That includes Windex, which I understand lots of people swear is good for such things as treating cuts, sore muscles, and impotence.  I presume — I don’t actually know for sure — that the product is applied topically.  Think about that in the context of curing impotence.

Back in the day, I hung out with some desperate souls who drank far worse than windshield wiper fluid.  Sterno.  Rubbing alcohol.  WD-40.  Listerine.  Blatz Beer.  Not all of these folks went on to become lawyers and PhDs: one is now an Air Traffic Controller, and another just retired from the post office, where she headed a personnel office.  Figures, yes?

The good news is, none of the kids died.  The better news is, we’ll probably never know if  any of them sustained brain damage, unless they leave Arkansas, and there’s somebody to compare them to.  By then, maybe the post office will be hiring again.

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15 Responses to “I Can See Clearly Now”

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    WD-40 and Red Bull . . . quite a kick !

  2. Sharpo Marx says:

    Squathole,
    you East Coast bias is showing. You sound like the typical New Yorker (although you are from from Philie) who thinks they hold the monopoly on culture, knowledge and intelligence, and everyone else around the country is just plain stupid. I lived in New York for many years, 20 to be exact, and suring the course of my stay there, I met many dumb people who worked with me and they were not rednecks. By the same token I worked later on in my life with many people from Oklahoma and Arkansas when I lived and owrked in the Southwest, who ran circles around the software programmers that came from New York.
    President “blowjob” is not my favorite guy, but he was from Hot Springs Arkansas and he was a Rhodes scholar and went on to attend Oxford on scholarships because of his merits.

  3. Amy Winehouse says:

    Much ado about nothing. My entire stage crew drank Prestone and Stoli for our entire American tour, and as you saw, we’re all just fine.

  4. Lois Terms says:

    I doubt that windshield cleaner is much worse for a kid than Kool-Aid, and it probably tastes better.

  5. Frank of Oregon says:

    You don’t have to be a New York snob to call Arkansas the nation’s pigsty. Even the Okies look down on that godforsaken landfill. As for Clinton, yeah, he’s plenty smart. He left.

    What struck me as funny is, I once poured Kool-Aid into my car’s windshield washer reservoir by mistake. They really do look similar.

  6. Manual Override says:

    Funny. I poured Kool Aid into my car’s radiator once, and the next thing I know it ran off to Guyana, joined a cult, and committed suicide

  7. Travis T says:

    ercifully, until this moment I forgot about Blatz Beer which at $1.29 a sixpack was not worth it. In fact, I’m sure I’d drink the washer fluid before Blatz. Only good thing about it was its name.

  8. Sharpo Marx says:

    Frank,
    “You don’t have to be a New York snob to call Arkansas the nation’s pigsty.”

    By God, you are right. There are other elitists snobs who live in Oregon. But then you have your own problems there with all the Californians moving there and polluting your state.

  9. Frank of Oregon says:

    Sharpo Marx: Any relation to Karl?

    I’m not certain what you mean by “elitist snobs” — the last time I heard that term it was VP Spiro Agnew talking, and he was referring to people who can read. I think he was jealous.

    Anyway, snobbery is all over. Maybe even in Arkansas. I imagine the few with indoor plumbing get kind of snobbish at the annual Rotary rodeo.

  10. Sharpo Marx says:

    Frank,
    the point was that your West Coast snobbery was so obvious it jumped out of the screen. Folks in both coasts (California,Oregon and Washington state) do not have a monopoly on hi-fallutin noses) think they are the last Coke in the desert and they think very highly of themselves.. They think they are educated, well read, intelectual, liberal, with excellent tastes on everything under the sun, while and the rest of America is supposed to be stupid and full of rednecks.
    There is an old saying in Spanish that says: “Tell me what you presume of, and I wil tell you exactly what you lack”.
    The saying can be applied here. California, Oregon, New York and the rest of the East coast have as many jerks and stupid people as anywhere else in the US. But they think of themselves as educated and smart and the rest of the nation as nothing but stupid bumbling idiots. When God distributed smarts he did not concentrate all of it on both coasts, trust me, regardless of what you may think. They are bumbling idiots everywhere, even on both coasts.
    “Everyone is ignorant, is just on different subjects”.
    Will Rogers. (old Oklahoma sage).

  11. Sharpo Marx says:

    Frank,
    And oh, yes before I forget, Karl was my great-grandfather. And Frederick Engels was my godfather.

  12. Frank of Oregon says:

    Excuse my insights, but you sound a bit defensive to me, Sharpo. I guess now I ought to mention, too, that I haven’t lived in Oregon for about 20 years, having moved to south Florida in 1990. Where there are amazing numbers of stupid people, more arriving by boat and by plane every day.

    Of course there are stupid people everywhere, just as there are bright ones, too. I never noticed that Oregonians were especially bright or stupid, but I find they’re more friendly and open as a rule, especially compared to Floridians, whose combination of ignorance and hostility is, well, impressive. To be neutral.

    I’ve been to Arkansas only once, by the way. It wasn’t memorable. But I’ve never heard anybody say anything good about it!

  13. Sharpo Marx says:

    Frank:
    “Where there are amazing numbers of stupid people, more arriving by boat and by plane every day”
    Your xenophobia and racism are showing loud and clear. But then I already knew athta when you put down all people who were from Arkansas. BTW,I am not from Arkansas. And my uncles Groucho and Zeppo were from New York.

  14. Frank of Oregon says:

    Sharpo: I wish my wife paid as close attention to what I said as you do. Although, to be fair, you both seem to get me wrong.

    1. I didn’t put down people from Arkansas. I don’t even know any, other than the ex-Pres (and I don’t really know him, either). All I said was, you don’t have to be from NY or the east coast to put them down because I know people who from everywhere do. Like Okies. And Georgians. And yeah, other Oregonians.

    2. Show me a single resident of Florida who doesn’t share the sentiment about more and more stupid people moving here, and I’ll show you a liar. Florida is an asshole magnet. Maybe you take offense at the “by boat or by plane,” but all I meant was, they’re coming in from everywhere, some by foot for all I know. I never gave a thought to their race or nationality. Besides, the ones from Jersey are the worst anyway. Barely descended from trees.

    Say — how about Gummo? The least known Marx Brother?

  15. Fran G’Panni says:

    Hey Squathole!

    Welcome back. I didn’t know how much I missed reading your posts (and readers’ comments) until I revisited this one. This is JUST the sort of stuff we all need to take our minds off the horror movie we’re living through daily. Key West is friggin ghost town right now. It isn’t even recognizable.

    Hope you can keep it up — and I hope Guido tells you the same thing at least now and then.

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