Digest THIS

This sounds like the stuff of nightmares.  Swallowed live by a pterodactyl a la Raquel Welch in A Million Years B.C.

Walk thru this interactive colon model and learn why colon cancer is preventable, treatable and beatable. City of Hope doctors and nurses will be on hand to help educate you.  LA Daily News

Who could resist the opportunity to get up close and personal with pre-cancerous colon polyps?  Or to pretend you’re a green legume, sweeping through the intestine in a cleaning and purging frenzy?

inside_colon_hi-res“Interesting decor, if you like red.  And there sure is a lot of shit to climb over,” commented one visitor.

I wonder if you exit through a water slide and land in a gigantic porcelain toilet.  How authentic can they make it?

“It was okay, I guess,” another visitor reported.  “But afterwards, I felt like shit.”

Like any sensible American male, I procrastinated for years before submitting to the colonoscopy my physician advised.  It wasn’t a whole lot of  fun.  The preparation, of course, when you spend hours shitting out everything from your asshole to your adenoids while simultaneously starving, is almost as bad as the stupid jokes you endure from the medical staff (“All of our patients are assholes.  Hur hur hur!”).  I was such a bad patient they more or less threw me out of the clinic afterwards, weak and woozy.  When Guido came to pick me up, she found me wandering around the parking lot.  I called them up a day later and bitched out everybody, including the doctor.

Assholes indeed.

Yes, we should all have colon cancer screenings, but do we need a gross Mickey Mouse sideshow to make it compelling?  If I were a kid, something like this would scare me away forever.  What’s next, sex education?

Wow.  WOW.  Don’t go there.

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10 Responses to Digest THIS

  1. Rim Shot says:

    “Flashlight, hell! Help me find my truck keys and we’ll DRIVE the hell outa here!”

  2. Claud Eustace Teal says:

    I wouldn’t walk through that thing without a HazMat suit. Lord what a bad idea. Any clue who cooked this up?

  3. Ruh Roh says:

    When I arranged for my anal prodding, I sat in the medical office surrounded by charts and drawings of diseased colons, tumors, assorted samples of infections and ruptures, etc., thinking, Is this supposed to scare me into doing what I already decided I would do, or scare me away forever? It was sickening. I don’t need to have my face shoved into my spongy guts to take care of my health.

  4. Fearless Frank says:

    Odd reaction. I think it would be a hoot, and I bet kids would love it, too. I gives them insight into the way their bodies work, and it’s fun, too.

  5. Kent Standit says:

    Heh heh. It looks like Rim Shot “went there.”

    Don’t be so squeamish about your own insides. First of all, in your case, they’re probably more attractive than your outsides. Second, your colon may be filled with shit, but that’s its job: what’s your brain’s excuse?

  6. Dawgbowl says:

    I’m disappointed. You mention Raquel Welch in the first paragraph, but wher’s the photo? Unless that’s her colon those folks are walking through.

  7. Lois Terms says:

    The way the economy is going, my colon has been emptied quite regularly, thank you.

  8. Travis T says:

    Not cooperating with the people who are about to knock you cold and stuff things up your ass strikes me as a poor choice of action. Maybe you should have a third party take a look up your ass to see if they left anything in there like a blasting cap or a leaky container of hot sauce.

  9. Ms Calabaza says:

    great line Kent. . .

  10. Helen Highwater says:

    Sooner or later, every man finds an excuse to say something about his colonoscopy.

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