Hair Ye Hair Ye

Blogging Rule #303(b)(ii):  When stuck for subject matter, and feeling hostile, write about female body hair.  People will (1) hate you and (2) post hostile comments.  So here we go.

Last week, the [Philadelphia] Daily News reported that the board had introduced a proposal to ban genital waxing in New Jersey’s spas and salons, something the board claimed was already illegal but never spelled out in the regulations.

Consumer Affairs Director David Szuchman, reacting to disgruntled salon and spa owners, may have rescued genital waxing by rejecting yesterday a state Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling proposal to ban the painful procedure.

Salon owners, including Orsuto, felt that the ban would strip women of a popular, albeit painful, procedure and only contribute to unsafe conditions. Many women, the owners claimed, would try to wax themselves or visit unlicensed spas to maintain hair-free status. —

I’ve spent many summers on the Jersey shore, enjoying the sun and sand while dodging the medical waste and jellyfish, and I’m here to testify that the women are beautiful.  I also observed that many of them didn’t get that way by nature alone.  It took work which I never appreciated until later.  I simply admired their glistening flesh as they tanned enthusiastically, exposing their firm flesh to the legal limit, rolling from side to side to even out their exposure, the heady smell of Coppertone and salt air dazing my adolescent senses.

6a00d8341c6e1553ef00e54f4119498833-800wi2South Jersey’s population was heavily Mediterranean: Italians, mostly, dark haired beauties with matching eyes and knock-out bodies.  Their older relatives, male and female, were caveman hirsute.  Hard to distinguish aunts from uncles.  Seems like a year or three into marriage, those young beauties morphed into beastial caricatures.  Very sad.

Years later, this changed.  Young moms retained their bodies, their looks, their shining smooth skin.  Hard to believe that swarm of larval humanity sprung live from those tight bellies and firm asses.  Swimsuits got smaller and smaller, tan lines disappearing into the forbidden nether world.  The reason?

I noticed, returning as a young adult, there were almost as many salons as there were saloons.  The shore became Workout and Depilitation City.  Styles changed and vanity assumed a new cover girl story.  The bathing beauties’ deforestation was as radical and dramatic as the rain forests of the world.  Not coincidentally, both phenomena had Brazilian roots.

The view vastly improved.  I’m delighted to see that Jersey itself has seen the light.

Shave, wax, laser, graft, whatever.  It’s all good, especially when the color fades and the world turns grey.  Keep Jersey beautiful.  Set an example for the world.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Hair Ye Hair Ye

  1. Sharpo Marx says:

    I am sure the New Jersey board had given a lot of thought to that particulary hairy situation.

  2. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  3. Kent Standit says:

    Tourist slogan: “South Jersey Fur Shore.” Think it’ll sell?

  4. Hose B says:

    Kent, that’s actually pretty funny.

    Peg: I don’t disagree, but really, the topic under review wasn’t men who are pigs, but women who are grizzlies. I have some in my family, too. When I was a little kid, the only difference between my aunts and uncles was the size of cigars they smoked at the table.

  5. Tanya Hyde says:

    One of the nation’s first Tanorexics Anonymous was set up in Margate, NJ. Serious tanners found ways to get out on the beach all12 months of the year, and, despite the early and late chill, 6 – 10 hours a day from March through November. Hardy souls! Not for me: give me Haulover!

    As for Brazilian wax, it’s a way of life for us tanorexics, as is manscaping. Maximum exposure, minimum cover, including home-grown!

    See you on the beach!

  6. Vito says:

    Yeah, there’s lots Italians in Jersey. You gotta problem widdat?

  7. Ted End says:

    Vito, are you from jersey? What exit?

  8. Perry Noid says:

    South Jersey is a sewer by the sea. No wonder the women grow protective fur. They probably have 6 toes on each hoof, too.

  9. Ms Calabaza says:

    Yo Vito:

    do you and da boys get a group rate for the goomba’s waxes?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s