With all the other problems Florida confronts in the face of a collapsed economy, it hardly needs competition from for the state with the most dangerously moronic population.  But this week Pennsylvania has its A-Game going:

PITTSBURGH — A 911 call that brought two police officers to a home where they were ambushed, and where a third was also later killed during a four-hour siege, was precipitated by a fight between the gunman and his mother over a dog urinating in the house.

The mother told police her son had been stockpiling guns and ammunition “because he believed that as a result of economic collapse, the police were no longer able to protect society,” the affidavit said.proppikehead

Friends have said [the suspect] was concerned about his weapons being seized during Barack Obama’s presidency, and friends said he owned several handguns and an AK-47 assault rifle.   — Miami Hurled

The road from dog pis to homicide is paved with paranoia.  I wonder which radio talk show host fanned these flames about Obama seizing citizens’ weapons?  I don’t recall seeing that proposed in the (“socialist!” “elitist!”) economic stimulus plan, but maybe it’s in the small print, along with fluorinating the water with commie-crystals like they did in the ’50s.  Besides, it’s every red blooded American’s god-bestowed right to own war-worthy assault weapons, even if he is a certified lunatic with homicidal tendencies and a dog urine fetish.

Meanwhile, to the east, the ultimate foodie makes his case for proper presentation:

Feeding picky eaters can be a pain.  Just ask Lyndel Toppin’s fiancée, whose middle finger was almost chopped off when Toppin allegedly attacked her with a kitchen knife, according to Upper Darby police.

The reason for the assault, cops say, was a poorly made meatball sandwich. Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong, which infuriated Toppin. The 44-year-old woman was preparing dinner last week when Toppin “became enraged due to the victim not placing cheese on his hoagie roll correctly,” according to the arrest affidavit.

Toppin grabbed a knife from the other room and slashed her finger, causing a deep laceration, [requiring] 23 stitches to close the gash.  Also, instead of chomping on the meatball sub that she’d made him, Toppin wrapped his teeth around his girlfriend’s left wrist and refused to let go, the criminal complaint says.  — Philadelphia Daily News

Holy Velveeta, Batman!  If he was THAT hungry. what’s the BFD where the cheese was? Just eat it, man, and brutalize your loved ones later!!

b128801377Pennsylvania has been described as “Pittsburgh to the west, Philadelphia to the east, and Kentucky in between.” (The Kentucky slice looks good lately.)  If this keep up, Florida’s reputation as a haven for imbeciles could fade by comparison, a development we locals should find alarming.  Admittedly, cannibalistic behavior may be hard to top, but paranoid, homicidal gun nuttery is a natural, especially in the Panhandle.

Somebody call Sean Hammity.  Our future is at stake.

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14 Responses to Keystoners

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    So, I guess the point is: If everyone had an AK-47, dog urine would not be a problem and Toppin would not have lost just a finger …

  2. Tricky Dicky says:

    A little paranoia never hurt anyone.

  3. Private Partz says:

    Ms Cabal – If EVERYBODY had an AK47, there wouldn\t be any problems anywhere because we’d all be dead.

  4. Lu Senz says:

    As long as you’re talking about your home town again, don’t overlook your Phillies’ glorious Home Opener, first game of the 2009 MLB season, losing to the braves 4-1.

    Memo to Management; Next year, when you pack up and move the team north, remember to bring the bats.

    The Inquirer reported that it tool Phillie fan less than 20 minutes to start booing the defending World Champions.

    Well, at least nobody got bit, hacked, or shot!

  5. Anonymous says:

    I heard that the Vietnamese that killed all those innocent people in upsttate New York was also inspired by Rush Limbaugh. The guy left a recording of himself saying he was inspired by right wing radio personalities opposed to gun control who told him to go out and kill all those people.
    And the Easter Bunny is ready to arrive in a few days. And Cinderella finally found her shoe. And Snow White spitted out the apple when she heard the voice of the Prince. And Santa Calus comes in December. All true. Really.

  6. Ted End says:

    Anonymous sounds like he knows what’s going on. So it was Rush Limbaugh, not Sean Hammity? Maybe I’ll start listening to him, too.

    But I think you’re off with the Snow White reference. It was Adam and Eve with the apple, not her.

  7. Red White & Blue says:

    Why do you hate America?

  8. Borkon says:

    The unfortunate actions of one unbalanced maniac with weapons don’t negate the genuine fear expressed by many Americans that their 2nd amendment right to bear arms is in danger from this administration. Socialist governments often move to disarm the population, and obviously that’s where we’re heading. Gun sales around the country are at an all-time high. People are on to this.

  9. ya’gotta’guessit says:

    Lu Senz –

    Was at the game, and the booing took place after Myers had given up his third gopher-ball.

    It was short, inconsequential, and ironically amusing to those around us – we booed, and laughed.

    World Fucking Champions!

  10. Perry Noid says:

    Everybody but you knows that Obama intends to disarm the population. Maybe he won’t make this move in his first year, or even his second, but for sure it happens before he’s finished his first term.

  11. Mark Skid says:

    I don’t get your sarcasm, Anonymous (is that your real name?). The goof himself told friends he was scared of losing his weapons. That might or might not have anything to do with his freaking out, but where did he get the idea to start with? The only people I hear going on about this are rightwing radio blabbers and the brain dead people who listen to them.

  12. Joe Balls says:

    Nice move Squirthole. You come back, the DOW drops 50 points. Go away, willya? I need money.

  13. Lu Senz says:

    So you’re another Philly guy like SquatMan, are you? Poor suffering fool: I feel for you. Then again, as a lifelong Cubbie fan I guess I paid dues for myself, my grandparents, and probably my grandkids as well. But this is our year. Stay with us.

  14. anonymous says:

    you are right. There are millions of brain dead people in America but they do not listen to right wing radio shows. They are called left wing liberals and they drink the Obama Kool-Aid. You sound like an excellent example of that breed of Americans.

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