With all the other problems Florida confronts in the face of a collapsed economy, it hardly needs competition from for the state with the most dangerously moronic population. But this week Pennsylvania has its A-Game going:
PITTSBURGH — A 911 call that brought two police officers to a home where they were ambushed, and where a third was also later killed during a four-hour siege, was precipitated by a fight between the gunman and his mother over a dog urinating in the house.
The mother told police her son had been stockpiling guns and ammunition “because he believed that as a result of economic collapse, the police were no longer able to protect society,” the affidavit said.
Friends have said [the suspect] was concerned about his weapons being seized during Barack Obama’s presidency, and friends said he owned several handguns and an AK-47 assault rifle. — Miami Hurled
The road from dog pis to homicide is paved with paranoia. I wonder which radio talk show host fanned these flames about Obama seizing citizens’ weapons? I don’t recall seeing that proposed in the (“socialist!” “elitist!”) economic stimulus plan, but maybe it’s in the small print, along with fluorinating the water with commie-crystals like they did in the ’50s. Besides, it’s every red blooded American’s god-bestowed right to own war-worthy assault weapons, even if he is a certified lunatic with homicidal tendencies and a dog urine fetish.
Meanwhile, to the east, the ultimate foodie makes his case for proper presentation:
Feeding picky eaters can be a pain. Just ask Lyndel Toppin’s fiancée, whose middle finger was almost chopped off when Toppin allegedly attacked her with a kitchen knife, according to Upper Darby police.
The reason for the assault, cops say, was a poorly made meatball sandwich. Specifically, the cheese placement was all wrong, which infuriated Toppin. The 44-year-old woman was preparing dinner last week when Toppin “became enraged due to the victim not placing cheese on his hoagie roll correctly,” according to the arrest affidavit.
Toppin grabbed a knife from the other room and slashed her finger, causing a deep laceration, [requiring] 23 stitches to close the gash. Also, instead of chomping on the meatball sub that she’d made him, Toppin wrapped his teeth around his girlfriend’s left wrist and refused to let go, the criminal complaint says. — Philadelphia Daily News
Holy Velveeta, Batman! If he was THAT hungry. what’s the BFD where the cheese was? Just eat it, man, and brutalize your loved ones later!!
Pennsylvania has been described as “Pittsburgh to the west, Philadelphia to the east, and Kentucky in between.” (The Kentucky slice looks good lately.) If this keep up, Florida’s reputation as a haven for imbeciles could fade by comparison, a development we locals should find alarming. Admittedly, cannibalistic behavior may be hard to top, but paranoid, homicidal gun nuttery is a natural, especially in the Panhandle.
Somebody call Sean Hammity. Our future is at stake.