Hi, Jack!

Truck recovered, but $60,000 in stolen whiskey still missing

ATHENS, Tenn. (AP) – Sheriff’s deputies have recovered a truck stolen from a Nashville shipping company, but didn’t find the $60,000 worth of whiskey that was also missing.

The Daily Post-Athenian reported McMinn County Sheriff’s deputies found the tractor on Monday at a truck stop along Interstate 75 near Niota, but the trailer is still missing.

According to police reports, the trailer contained 1,064 cases of Jack Daniel’s whiskey, along with 1,028 cases of various other whiskeys valued at $67,000.  NewsChannel3

Every time I try to calculate the actual number of bottles of Jack Daniels stolen, I fall over drunk.  I suppose it’s 1,064 times 12.   OMG.  Hold me.  That’s more square glass than in Buckminster Fuller’s wet dreams.

2879479480072950637waqbzn_fsI mention this because as many of you know, I didn’t blog most of last week when this hijacking was committed, and I need to emphasize my innocence.  I did not steal anything, let alone a tractor trailer filled with booze.  I wasn’t even there, and if I was, I wasn’t the driver.

Not that I condemn the activity as anything less than worthwhile, even admirable.  It beats shooting up a roomful of immigrants or killing cops in the name of the second amendment.  When all is said and done, the thief has gained something worthwhile, even if on a very temporary basis.  And for sure, he’s got new friends; and if some of them tend to slur their words and drool a little, at least they’re happy.

For the record, none of the other 1,028 cases of  “various other whiskeys” are not of even remote interest, unless they’re tequila — GOOD tequila — which they’re not.  I guess.  I mean, how would I know?

Back in the real world, new Marlin Emilio Bonifacio goes 3-for-3;  3 runs, 2 stolen bases, 2 TBI, and an inside-the-park home run.  It is the first inside the parker on Opening Day since Carl Yastrzemski did it in 1968 — 41 years ago.  And he was a Red Sox, so that doesn’t count for shit.  It’s all down hill from here.

This entry was posted in Shaken and Stirred. Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Hi, Jack!

  1. Mark Geragos says:

    I’d advise you to keep your silence on this matter . . .

  2. Lu Senz says:

    “Back in the real world” is where you put baseball? Good for you, Mr. Kinsella.

    I don’t want to be a wet blanket, and there’s no doubt that seeing a kid make a splash that big on his major league debut is a rare treat and giant thrill, but watching him play, I get the idea that once the league takes his measure it’s going to be a whole lot harder for him. A few fastballs at this head, some tough tags on the base paths, you know the drill.

    But that’s how the game is played, and that’s what real fans love to see. Right Philly guys?

  3. Beardsley says:

    “….That’s more square glass than in Buckminster Fuller’s wet dreams.”

    Yes, clever, but Fuller’s geodesic structures were comprised mainly of multi-sided components, such as tetrahedrons, octahedrons, etc.

    You probably knew that, and decided that writing “more tetrahedric glass” wouldn’t be as funny. You’re right. But bet your ass David Foster Wallace would have!

  4. Joe Balls says:

    It’s early yet, Squirthole, but the market is down 150 points. Just sayin.

  5. Ms Calabaza says:

    so that would mean our 500+ have dropped 200 points since Squatty started blogging again . . . hmmmm. Tough decision: Read Obalesque first thing for a morning chuckle and watch my 401k go down the tubes or no humor and a nice nest egg. Decisions, decisions…

  6. Joe Balls says:

    If I wake up tomorrow and find a new post, Squirthole, I’m selling every stock I own. You’re a goddam curse on the market.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s