Was a time when I could trip into any shoe store anywhere and buy a pair of moccasins, which I’ve worn more or less continuously since childhood. No can do no more. There’s damn few stores around, and besides, nobody stocked them. And then there’s the problem with having a size 13 or 14-b hoof.
For a while, a place out on 441 near the Injun res carried them along with other faux-native/western items, none of which interested me (with the possible exception of the bullwhips, but that’s not for dress. Exactly). When they vanished one night, that left teh internets, and that, of course, creates problems for certain challenged consumers of whom I stand as Exhibit A. Through ZZ.
After puzzling over Minnetonka’s website for 30 sober minutes, I sent the following email:
There are three colors associated with the items shown here, natural, chocolate, and black. Both “chocolate” and “black” suggest the darkest of the three, and clearly eliminate the lightest one. So that means the one on the far left (which is the one I want) is either “natural”or whatever the darkest one isn’t. Those of us who have never actually seen a moose don’t know what their “natural” color is.
Confused? So am I, and I’m trying to buy your product. Not good for either one of us. And nobody answers your phone.
Please tell me which color/flavor applies to the light brown item on the left so I may send you an order. Thank you.
No reply, naturally, so I call after hours and actually get a human being or whatever else answers the phone in Minnetonka, PA (about which more anon).
I discover that the pull-down menu on the site, which lists Black, Chocolate, and Natural, does not mention that “Bone” is no longer available. That’s what the light colored one is called The dark one is either chocolate or black, I forget. One is shown, the other isn’t.
I ask the rep why the hell they would show something not available, and NOT show something that is, and not even provide an explanation. “I own no,” he says. Well, not exactly, but the equivalent. He blames somebody else. Of course.
The one on the left is “natural.” How anybody is supposed to know this is beyond me. Personally, the only moose I’ve ever seen is motherfucking Bullwinkle, and that was a long time ago on a black and white teevee screen. But if there are 3 choices and 3 samples, how the hell am I supposed to deduce the fact that one of the ones shown isn’t one that is available, and one that is available isn’t shown?
I also learn that Minnetonka exists in the same suburban Philadelphia area code I lived in for 35 years. I am clueless, as noted above, I’ve worn moccasins almost every day just about my entire life, for years before I paraded around with 23 toe rings (down to 17 these days, same 10 toes). They used to be “brown.” What a concept.