Torture Me, Elmo

My my.  To the casual observer, it appears that Dick Cheney is actually a trifle, well, nervous.  It’s not just his legacy as the worst, sickest, and least patriotic VP in history, but his own pale ass.  He may be labeled not only a totalitarian asshole, but a criminal as well, if the Attorney General appoints a special prosecutor, and that independent counsel starts digging away…..

Dick Cheney has returned to the fray to demand the CIA release documents that he says show “enhanced” interrogation techniques extracted crucial information from terror suspects.

The former vice president’s remarks follow Barack Obama’s decision to release top secret memos detailing controversial questioning methods used under the Bush administration.

“One of the things that I find a little bit disturbing about this recent disclosure is that they put out the legal memos… but they didn’t put out the memos that show the success of the effort,” Mr. Cheney told Fox News. —  The Independent

The point being, if torturing human beings works, it’s not just okay, it’s morally imperative.  Only slippered academic liberals in their safe comfy chairs can’t grasp this basic truth the way Dick Cheney does.  But unfortunately for him, that’s sort of who’s in charge now.

evilcheney1Heh heh heh.

Unlike the ‘Pubs, this crew of ‘Crats isn’t content to let the little guys take the load.  The Lindsey Englunds, low-level foot soldiers who faithfully listened to their leaders and dutifully followed orders, only to get labeled among the “few bad apples”  and end up blamed and disgraced.  Lie, Deny, Duck, Dodge, and Scapegoat.  Sounds like corporate Washington spin-doctors, yes?

No, Cheney is out of his snake pit to protest the injustice of it all.  Absolving the CIA grunts who did the dirty deeds, Obama then opened the door to hold the real power responsible and perhaps actionable: Bush’s slimebucket lawyers and high-level advisors who created the cover for American atrocities in the form of legal memos and findings.   Puke like John “Screw” Yoo.  David “Broken” Axelrod.  Little Alphonso Gonzales.  And maybe even Lon Cheney himself.

“But it worked!” protests Vice.  “Like Lenin and Saul Alinsky said: The end justifies the means!”

The fact of the matter is, the only acceptable, legitimate deployment of torture ever is during sex. Which has to be the polar opposite of government.  Government has no place in the bedroom, back seat, or leather bar dungeon, let alone secret offshore prisons.

Damn!  And Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian, too.  You’d think maybe he’d have learned something over the years.

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14 Responses to Torture Me, Elmo

  1. Alex Barreras says:

    David “Broken” Axlerod?

  2. Ms Calabaza says:

    I thought waterboarding was the new term for surfing . . . go figure.

  3. Squathole says:

    Alex: Whoops. I meant David Addington, Cheney’s personal thug. And I can’t think of a clever nickname. “Snake” Addington is closest I can get.

    I also screwed up “Lyndie England,” by the way.

    Good catch. Thanks.

    Ms C: I’d never heard the term before, and yet reports indicate the practice goes back to the Inquisition. Evidently the Bush legal team was fond of foreign-law precedents, too, despite wingnut fury over Justice Ginzburg’s footnoting.

  4. Red White & Blue says:

    Why do you hate America?

  5. Joe Balls says:

    Isn’t it interesting that Cheney, who never seemed too concerned about addressing the media or the American people directly, now seems keenly intent on staying before the public eye? What besides his own self-interest would motivate him at this point?

  6. Monty Python says:

    Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

  7. Private Partz says:

    Heads need to roll. This is getting worse and worse. We need a truth commission.

    Red White & Blue: you’re a moron and an asshole, which sounds pretty lame but obviously there’s no reasoning with you.

  8. Red White & Blue says:

    Spoken like a true liberal, Private, interested in tearing down this country and its leaders for God knows what insane purpose.

    Make it impossible for the military and intelligence agencies to do their jobs and see how long any of us are around to see how wrong you and your kind have been.

    Not me, buddy.

  9. Private Partz says:

    RW&B: You stand with a select group of tyrants and thugs when you you justify crimes against humanity by appealing to self-defense. Americans can do their jobs without behaving like or even becoming our own enemies. You’re the one tearing down our own country. Why do you hate America?

  10. anonymous says:

    Red White and Blue,
    Imagine if the city the terrorists attack would be were Private Partz live? Imagine if one of those terrorist knew about it before hand but the authorities were not allowed to interrogate this creep and the attack occurs? Wouldn’t it be poetic justice? I will bet money that his tune will change after that terrible fact.

  11. Dawgbowl says:

    Anonymous: You’re making the same error that RW&B made, equating interrogation with torture. Right now the news is all about how the so-called “enhanced techniques” didn’t yield anything of use anyway.

    So try your question this way: How would YOU feel if the terrorist lied under torture that led to members of your family arrested and sent to overseas prisons for more torture? Bet you’d change your tune, too.

  12. Squathole says:

    Not that facts make any difference to folks like Red White & Blue or “Anonymous,” here’s an opinion piece written by a professional interrogator involved with the incidents in question, debunking the value of torture and challenging the assumptions on which such techniques are predicated.

    Conclusion: It’s wrong, ineffective, and counter-productive. He also notes that the CIA is essential for national security, and that this matter of allowing torture only harms us.

    But what does he know, compared to wingnut ideologues, fear mongers, and people who prefer to see Obama fail at the cost of the country’s survival?

  13. anonymous says:

    nice try but no cigar. You are comparing apples and oranges. I am all for enhanced interrogation if it yields information that can save American lives.
    I know that caring about saving American lives is an old fashioned concept these days with all of the apologies for “the all the evil deeds of the US” being issued by our current White House occupant, but I am all for it.

  14. Fearless Frank says:

    What apologies are you talking about, anonymous? I don’t remember seeing or hearing about the president apologize for “evil deeds” or anything similar. Why are you making things up? Do you hate America, too?

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