Palin- tology II

Former Vice President Darth Cheney fires off a zinger or two at General Colon Bowel (“Oh, is he still a Republican?  Who knew”) and that makes headlines.  Those ‘Pubs!  Stuck in the australopithecine bogs of prehistory!  All the while there’s dead silence from Wingnut Nation w/r/t the re-emergence of their savior and future:

Bristol Palin — Sarah Palin‘s 19-year-old-daughter and unwed mother of 4-month-old Tripp… made the rounds of the morning shows, appeared at a town hall meeting for National Teen Pregnancy Awareness Day and declared herself committed to discouraging behavior that would leave other girls in the same predicament she finds herself in. “Regardless of what I did personally,” she told Chris Cuomo on Good Morning America, “abstinence is the only … 100% foolproof way you can prevent pregnancy.”  — Time.com

Hard to believe Grandmom Sarah — maybe the original GILF —  would allow her offspring to indulge in unsafe, unprotected speech in public, but it’s clear the Governor’s control over her daughter’s conduct is even less effective than her campaign prowess.  What’s next?  Bukowski on sobriety?  Hunter Thompson on lead poisoning?  Oh wait — they’re dead, dead.

Even wingnuts, who unabashedly embrace such hilarities as Creationism and Obama is an Alien — were silent about this one.  Fer chrissake, kid, siddown, shaddup, and disappear.  Girls who fuck themselves pregnant in high school have no business espousing anything about sex and marriage that anybody wants to hear.  And given YOUR circumstances — you know, on a goddam stage with a senator announcing his candidacy for president while your pimpled stud stands sheepishly beside you — your best move is to vanish into the Alaskan wilderness like an endangered species.

Ladies and Germs, I give you the future of the Grand Old Party.

This doesn’t even address the bozoic concept of “Abstinence Only” on its merits.  Do your own Googling to see how well this depraved experiment has fared among children (let alone Catholic clergy in Miami Beach).  In most cases, its effect has been to actually increase the number of unwanted pregnancies.

To their credit, the ‘Pubs largely ignored this sideshow of sanctimony, and the media have been uncharacteristically bland in their hooting and hollering.  I sense sadness, even pity (certainly not “empathy:” that’s for weak ‘Crat would-be Supreme Court justices).  Maybe, just maybe, even a bit of “enough is enough.”

Next act: Arlen Specter on party loyalty.  A splendid time is guaranteed for all.