Like most Americans, I don’t give a stained bedsheet who’s fucking whom. Wanna cheat on your beloved? Lie about it to your wife and kids? Have a blast. Ain’t nunna my bidness.
Here’s a study that says 54% of Americans “know of” somebody who’s been unfaithful. I bet that’s low. I bet more than half of those who told pollsters they don’t know are either lying, cheating themselves, or just don’t want to know.
When it comes to sex and lovers, lots of people cheat, and most of them lie. Bee Eff Dee.
Where it chafes my nethers is when these same braying jackasses get up on their hind legs to moralize at the rest of us. And this, of course, is precisely what the social conservatives of this nation do best and most. They vote for the Defense of Marriage Act while they’re running behind their wives’ backs. They push for abstinence-only programs while they’re hooking-up and knocking up. Evidently they can’t simultaneously keep their legs open and their pie-holes shut.
And they want us to take them seriously, even give them respect!
[Gov. Mark] Sanford voted to impeach Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky saga. ….Sanford called Clinton’s behavior “reprehensible” and said, “I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally” to resign. “I come from the business side. … If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he’d be gone.” Charles Blow, NY Times
That was before Marky-Mark was caught “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”
The same article cited above provides data showing that “states that went Republican in November accounted for 8 of the 10 states with the highest divorce rates in 2006.”
And “Conservatives touted abstinence-only education, which was a flop, when real sex education was needed, most desperately in red states. According to 2006 data from the Guttmacher Institute, those red states accounted for eight of the 10 states with the highest teenage birthrates.” And my favorite:
[A]study titled “Red Light States: Who Buys Online Adult Entertainment?” …..found that subscriptions to online pornography sites were “more prevalent in states where surveys indicate conservative positions on religion, gender roles, and sexuality” and in states where “more people agree that ‘I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage.’ ”
So the good news is, the lying, cheating, back-stabbing conservatives who represent these states accurately reflect the depraved, hypocritical morals of the majority of the sanctimonious immoral frauds they represent. At least in America’s god-fearing, bible-reading, respect for life and the sanctity of marriage red states, democracy in America is preserved.
I say god bless the Red States of America, and I say Amen.