Like most Americans, I don’t give a stained bedsheet who’s fucking whom.  Wanna cheat on your beloved?  Lie about it to your wife and kids?  Have a blast.  Ain’t nunna my bidness.

Here’s a study that says 54% of Americans “know of” somebody who’s been unfaithful.  I bet that’s low.  I bet more than half of those who told pollsters they don’t know are either lying, cheating themselves, or just don’t want to know.

2449562138_6c0b44b847When it comes to sex and lovers, lots of people cheat, and most of them lie.  Bee Eff Dee.

Where it chafes my nethers is when these same braying jackasses get up on their hind legs to moralize at the rest of us.  And this, of course, is precisely what the social conservatives of this nation do best and most.  They vote for the Defense of Marriage Act while they’re running behind their wives’ backs.  They push for abstinence-only programs while they’re hooking-up and knocking up.  Evidently they can’t simultaneously keep their legs open and their pie-holes shut.

And they want us to take them seriously, even give them respect!

[Gov. Mark] Sanford voted to impeach Bill Clinton during the Monica Lewinsky saga. ….Sanford called Clinton’s behavior “reprehensible” and said, “I think it would be much better for the country and for him personally” to resign. “I come from the business side. … If you had a chairman or president in the business world facing these allegations, he’d be gone.”  Charles Blow, NY Times

That was before Marky-Mark was caught “hiking the Appalachian Trail.”

The same article cited above provides data showing that “states that went Republican in November accounted for 8 of the 10 states with the highest divorce rates in 2006.”

And “Conservatives touted abstinence-only education, which was a flop, when real sex education was needed, most desperately in red states. According to 2006 data from the Guttmacher Institute, those red states accounted for eight of the 10 states with the highest teenage birthrates.”  And my favorite:

[A]study titled “Red Light States: Who Buys Online Adult Entertainment?” …..found that subscriptions to online pornography sites were “more prevalent in states where surveys indicate conservative positions on religion, gender roles, and sexuality” and in states where “more people agree that ‘I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage.’ ”

So the good news is, the lying, cheating, back-stabbing conservatives who represent these states accurately reflect the depraved, hypocritical morals of the majority of the sanctimonious immoral frauds they represent.  At least in America’s god-fearing, bible-reading, respect for life and the sanctity of marriage red states, democracy in America is preserved.

I say god bless the Red States of America, and I say Amen.

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13 Responses to Amen

  1. Neil, a Christian Soul says:

    Your blasphemy and hatred are appalling. You need prayer. Otherwise, you’re going to hell.

  2. Flaming Yon says:

    What’s a “barstard”?

  3. Red White & Blue says:

    Why do you hate America?

  4. Ba-da-Boom says:

    “aint nunna my bidness” ought to be a tee shirt worn by a million Americans on the next march to Washington. Because you’re right: nobody cares what these phonies do on their own time, to their own families. We only care what they do to us, and when what they do is so opposite of what THEY do and THEY think is okay for THEN, then we gotta problem.

    Good post.

  5. Chiquita from Argentina says:

    Mark is my soul mate.

  6. Ms Calabaza says:


    Agreed. They are all scum. Let’s vote them ALL out and institute term limits … better yet, how ’bout a coup?

    Another thing, why do we CARE what these maroons due in their own time? Some of the best leaders in history sucked as husbands and fathers, sadly. We want morally perfect people to be our leaders, therefore there’s very slim pickins, methinks. Sandford has real ISSUES, and he’s a jerk for having his staff play Where’s Waldo for about 5 days. If he spent state money he’s also a fool. I think he should resign for those two reasons … and the fact the guy writes really crappy love letters.

    Vote all these bums out! Let’s get some whoring, swearing, good leaders who know how to get us out of the mess we are in … just sayin’

  7. You May Call Me Pierre says:

    America remains a very Victorian nation with Freud-sized hang-ups over sex and fidelity. Civilized nations such as France have left such silliness behind, and understand that affairs of the heart have precious little to do with affairs of state. Hope endures that you will mature as a nation, but alas, such things take more time than they should.

  8. Dawgbowl says:

    Ms Calabaza: Vote them all out and replace them with…..who? Youd just trade one set of losers and liars for another. Its the nature of the beast. If youre the kind of person who wants to be a politician, you’re the kind of person who doesn’t mind stabbing backs, lying, and behaving like an alley cat with a hormone imbalance.

  9. Anonymous says:

    is nice that New York’s governor lives in a Red State full of conservatives, right? Now what what he doing? Well how about paying hookers up to 25,000 dollars a pop for a hump in the sack, wasn’t he? But naturally you left him out of the tirade against conservatives.
    Sex and cheating are as old as nature itself. It is because men are flawed, they are humans. But it is not only conservatives who have sex problems.

  10. Squathole says:

    Anonymous: And don’t forget my personal favorite, John “the Breck Girl” Edwards, mitigating the impact of his infidelity by assuring the media that he waited for his wife’s terminal cancer to go into remission.

    What a hind.

    I agree entirely that it’s not just conservatives. Please note I never suggested that in the post, and in fact, mentioned only one name, the one in current news. My point, reiterated, is that in places where conservatives are thickest, the social and sexual problems they solemnly proclaim upset them most are also practiced the most, a tribute to their appetite for hypocrisy.

    I submit that it’s the hypocrisy, not the behavior, that angers most people, and that conservatives are more prone to its exercise than others.

    But no, neither the flaws nor the hypocrisy are the private domain of, well, any one group.

  11. Frank of Oregon says:

    Say, Squirt-all. You live in a red state, right? Are you part of the problem or part of the solution? What does your wife think about your attitude?

    As long as I’m asking questions, what’s the square root of minus 4?

    • squathole says:

      Frank: (1) Actually, I live in a Ruby Red state. That’s a citrus joke, and not a good one. (2) I’m part of the solution: C2H5OH. Look it up if you don’t understand chemistry. (3) Guido is satisfied with my attitude. It’s my altitude she worries about, especially when I’ve consumed too much of that solution I’m part of.

      Okay. Your turn. Square root of munus 4?

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