The letter from HSBC — which stands for something, I suppose; I’ve come to recognize it as the wolf pack that now controls my GM MasterCard — informs me that my credit line has been reduced to $1,000.  A thousand dollars?  I carry that in change!  I am livid.

There’s a very long back-story here that I won’t detail.  Suffice it to say that I’ve been feuding with banks, credit cards, credit bureaus, and verminous collection agents since the days when VISA was BankAmericard and MasterCard was MasterCharge.  Not to mention Diners Club.  Yes, I’ve had and divorced them all at one time or another.  Rat bastards.

So I call and ask WTF.  Nothing to do with me personally, they say.  Seems the comVisa Logopany has experienced an across-the-board re-evaluation and everybody…..

I cut them off.  I take it personally, I tells ‘em.  I don’t give a frosted shit about your cross-the-board devaluation whatever.  I want my credit limit restored.  This account is 17 years old and there’s never been a problem.

Sorry, sir.  I can’t help you, but maybe I can get somebody on the phone who can.

Hold button music ensues.  Waiting for the Fucking Queen of Sucking Hearts or something.

Turns out “somebody” can’t help either.  It’s all bigger than all of us.  So I say, Fine.  Then since because I’m risky all of a sudden, and since because you can’t do anything about it, let’s do us both a favor and close my account.

This triggers the involvement of yet another voice on the phone, this one offering to put in a request to have my credit line increased.  I told this one No Pound Sand.  I don’t want an increase, I want the decrease undone.  Because I know what can happen here.  I apply for an increase, get rejected, and now THAT’S on my credit record.  I been down this road before.  You’re a pack of criminals and psychopaths.

masterchargeSo I order the account closed.  Now I ask where I can send an email to confirm that this account has been terminated at customer instigation, not the bank’s.  I am assured I will get a letter from HSBC to that effect, but I don’t trust them.  So it turns out if I want to write them, I have to do it on-line.  But the on-line communication is only available to people who have already established log-in and password privileges, which (a) I haven’t ever bothered doing; they make me insane, and (b) can’t do now anyway because my account is closed!

So I call back and get a fax number.  I try 3 times over 5 days and can’t fax — no answer.  I seek an alternative on-line, but when I send the email, I get a reply thanking me for my correspondence, but it has to be sent somewhere else.  This happens twice, to separate email addresses listed on their web site.

Is this typical?  I wonder if this was the way it was BEFORE the gubmint took over GM.  Because it sure looks like gubmint procedure now!

Today I arrive home and find a letter from HSBC (“City of Industry, CA  91716”) informing me that my account “has been closed.”  diners_person_cob_asa_eThe passive exonerative.  Shit just happens, nobody actually shits.  Who closed it, fucknuckles?  THAT WAS THE POINT.

So I call again, endure the music, blow through the first wave of corporate flak (“Oh, it’s always just a generic letter, sit, it’s not like we regard our account holders as anything more than revenue-producing data…” “….Really?  Well I’m not just a fucking generic customer and my credit report isn’t just a fucking generic credit report, and the whole fucking reason you’re fucking talking to me to fucking begin with is because of that fucking attitude”), and get the legendary supervisor who promises me the customized, personalized, specific letter I demand.  In 10m – 14 working days.

That’s where it rests.  That’s the way it is.  Stay tuned.  And don’t forget to sign up for my on-line charm school.

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7 Responses to Dis-Carded

  1. ya'gotta'guessit says:

    Aren’t you the same guy that pissed off the nurse who was about to assist in your colonoscopy?

    Why, WHY?? would you ever provide motivation to some hapless phone-drone whose ONLY job-related pleasure could come from royally effing your credit score? WHY?!?

    You’ve done it this time, Squats – you’ll be lucky to get out of this with a credit report that doesn’t link you to the Crash Of ’29.

    Why can’t you be nice?

  2. Ms Calabaza says:

    This has been happening to everyone. Especially, those of us who held onto some of these credit cards for “emergency” purposes only and paid them off at the end of the month. See, all good deeds eventually catch up with ya. Screw’m all! Pay everyone with sea shells from now on …

  3. Old Timer says:

    Where the hell did you find a “BankAmericard?” Have you been going through my wallet again?

  4. Lois Terms says:

    I got the same sort of letter from my credit card company, even though for over 10 years I’d paid every bill on time. Unlike you, I didn’t complain, so I still have the card. However, I stopped using it.

  5. Ruh Roh says:

    Big corporations rule and no good deed goes unpunished. Screw the customer because they can. Free enterprise at its best.

    You are fortunate that you can tell them to sod off, but many people have no choice but to take what they can get.

  6. Kent Standit says:

    Hey Squathole………let’s hear the story about pissing off the colonoscopy nurse. HAHAHAHA. Talk about an asshole’s asshole! HAHAHAHAHA.

  7. Key West Liam says:

    You did right. There’s no reason to carry credit cards any more. They’re as useless as shoes. Or food. Or eyesight.

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