Not Your Father’s CARE Package

Sometimes they don’t need any commentary whatsoever.  Thanks to Ms C for the lead!

You can recycle your bottles, cans, and paper products. Now you can recycle your old sex toys!

Recycling Your Sex Toys
Finally, there’s an environmentally friendly way to dispose of used or broken vibrators, dildos, plugs, or any other sex toy you may have. Our Sex Toy Recycling program offers you a way to recycle sex toys that you no longer want or use.

It is Simple and Easy
Simply drop your clean used toy(s) in the mail, when we receive it in our warehouse we will have it cleaned and disassembled. The rubber, silicone, hard plastics, metal, e-waste and motors will be sent to recycling facilities that process the materials for reuse. Did you leave the batteries in? Don’t worry, we dispose of them responsibly..

Be Rewarded For Your Good Deed
Not only do we make recycling your sex toys simple, we also offer a reward as an incentive. For every package of toys* you send in to be recycled, you will receive a $10 gift card (please allow 7 to 10 business days to receive) to use at one of our affiliate partners as well as some other goodies (when applicable) on your next order. So the more you recycle, the more you can play. Going green has never been this much fun!

Used sex toys.  What a concept.  I ask a few friends for their reactions.

“You can do that?  Wow.  When I think of the amount of money I’ve blown over the years replacing worn-out dildos…..”

CarePackage_link“That’s nuts.  I sure as hell wouldn’t BUY a used sex toy.  God only knows where it’s been.  Actually, you don’t need to be God to figure it out, do you?  I mean, where else would you stuff a butt plug?”

“What, there’s poor little sex-starved kids in China or Appalachia or somewhere who won’t have Christmas unless I send them my broken rabbit?”

“I can just picture the church lady’s reaction when she opens the box and my worn-out fleece-lined handcuffs fall out.  Is anybody you-tubing this?”

“With my luck, it’ll fall into the wrong hands, and I’ll be reading about my cat o’ nine tails in Abu Ghraib or something.”

“I have a whole assortment of flavored lubricants stopped using when my lips blistered up.  Think they’d be okay?  Actually, I’m not sure it was the lubricants.  The guy I was with was sorta crusty.”

Okay, that’s enough.  Happy Hump Day, everybody.

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7 Responses to Not Your Father’s CARE Package

  1. Camiel Toe says:

    Sorry, I draw the line. I recycle everything I can think of, from newspapers, plastic, and glass to printer cartridges, batteries, and light bulbs. But there’s no way I’m doing anything with a burnt-out sex toy but throw it away.

    FWIW, that’s my attitude about boyfriends, too.

  2. 'Postrophe says:

    I guess you’re being deliberately dense, because this isn’t about re-using sex toys, it’s about using the sanitized, dissected parts. Actually, that doesn’t really help much.

  3. Claire T says:

    I try to be “Green” but I have to say that my 1st reaction to the thought of recycled sex toys was “Used sex toys?….UGH!”.
    However, after actually reading the article I find it totally reasonable & responsible to recycle these old, worn-out objects of pleasure; or, better yet, those toys that disapoint….just didn’t live up to their packaging promises…..are no longer a total waste. You know you would only throw these items in the trash which turns into landfill. So by recycling them not only are they good towards a $10 GC which you can [only] use towards new sex toys but it is environmentlly responsible thing to do. I will get a box started with all the toys I don’t use but are still functional (you know…those disappointments) & add my favorites as they die. When the box is full I’m shipping them off & by then I’ll be ready for replacements so the $10 GC will come in handy. BTW, thanks Squats for this public service announcement.

  4. Barbara Ganousch says:

    Maybe I’ve lived a deprived life, but I can’t imagine filling an entire box with sex toys, even if I put in every one I ever owned. Unless, of course, you count the furniture, trapeze, and cages. Oh, and the cattle prod.

  5. *Rim Shot* says:

    It’s hard to believe you haven’t posted any dead Kennedy jokes yet.

    I mention this because it was just announced that he’ll be buried at Arlington National Cemetery. I had expected a cremation, with his ashes spread over Lake Chappaquiddick.

  6. Kent Standit says:

    Re: Recycled butt plugs. Brown is the new Green.

  7. One Man's Opinion says:

    Men can’t recycle their favorite sex toys because they’re all attached to their bodies. First and foremost there is the penis…..without a doubt #1 favorite toy. Why I’ve been known to uh I mean I’ve known of guys who could get quite aroused and sometimes off just waving it in the air. Then there are those enablers the hands. R usually preferred by righties and L for lefties…duh. Of course if you have any ambidextrous ability at all you have a switch hitter and/or a double fister. With all these built-in toys, it makes you wonder why we need women….or any other human being?

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