Staying Abreast, As Always

Thanks to Mr. Schwinkle for alerting me to this one.  I’ve been unplugged and obliviouser than usual.  Guido and I didn’t see so much as a Keynoter headline the whole time we were away, relying instead on a tongue-tied bartender, shouting over a loud house band, for news of the world.

Remember Tiffany Shepherd, the Port St. Lucie High School biology teacher fired for moonlighting as a bikini-clad mate on a fishing charter?  At 31, she’s no longer in the classroom or serving booze to fishermen.  She’s a 31 year old porn star, playing a part she knows well: teacher types or the wife-next-door.

Since her sacking made national news 15 months ago, Shepherd says she hasn’t been able to find a mainstream job, even at minimum wage.  She’s lost custody of two of her three kids to her ex-husband.  And she’s been evicted from two apartments.

Porn, she said, became her only avenue.  — page2live.com

Well, sure.  What’s a girl to do?  “Screw it,” she decided.

In her first month Shepherd, whose screen name is Leah Lust, has filmed scenes for five features.  Five-minute snippets of her rubbing baby oil on another naked woman are also spreading online.  Occasionally, Shepherd sits in front of a webcam to do whatever sweaty guys on the other end of the Internet tell her to do.

“Leah Lust.”  Kind of rolls off the tongue, yes?

So, how does she cope?  “Before I do a movie scene, I sit there and look at my children’s pictures on my iPod. I have 3,000 pictures of them,” she said.

vidWhat?  That sounds past sick — she gets pornographic inspiration by looking at pictures of children?  Her own kids??

“I need money for the appellate court and [to] raise my three kids,” she said. “I’ve tried everything, every avenue.”

Aaah.  Got it.  She’s doing it for the kids.  Well, that’s why Janet Reno ordered the Branch Davidian firebombing.  Always safe to take the high moral ground.  Besides, she’s acting on the advice of a mentor:

The owner of the Fort Pierce fishing charter that got Shepherd into trouble to start with took credit for introducing her to this biz.  “We sat down with her and told her she’d never get a teaching job again,” Capt. Gil said. “So I told her, use ‘em before they fall to the ground. But God, does she need to work on her acting!”

Yeah, acting skills are vital in the porn industry.  It’s not just bumping, humping, and swallowing with a smile, you know.  You gotta thespianate.  Or something.

Good luck, Tiffany/Leah.  Enjoy your youth and fleeting fame.  If it ever gets you down, remind yourself that you’re still teaching biology.

Photo credit: http://pleasebangmywife.com/main/images/lealust/vid.jpg

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7 Responses to Staying Abreast, As Always

  1. NME says:

    Dude. She’s swine. And old.

  2. Barbara Ganousch says:

    “Use them before they fall to the ground.” Great stuff. Sound advice. How can she go wrong with nothing but heroes all around her?

  3. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  4. Ruh Roh says:

    I ain’t buying. She never should have lost her job, but after that? I doubt her best (or only) alternative was porn, but somebody convinced her that the whole story (ex-schoolteacher, mother of 3, fired unjustly by prudes and snobs) was bankable and besides, it’s only sex anyway, right?

    Besides, she might have been the hottest teacher in the school, but she sure is out of her league in the porn biz.

  5. Hose B says:

    She’s about one-tenth as sexy as the current crop of female tennis players out there competing this week, and even less talented.

    Why did you post this?

  6. Boardwalk Skanks of NJ says:

    What’re you talking about, Hose? We think she looks GREAT!

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