“Eau de Mow”

I always say, when you want good news, ask an Aussie.

Researchers have discovered that a chemical released by a mown lawn makes people feel happy and relaxed, and could prevent mental decline in old age.  Now scientists say they have developed a perfume which ‘smells like a freshly-cut lawn’ which relieves stress and help boost memory.

Dr Nick Lavidis, a neuroscientist at the University of Queensland, Brisbane, came up with the idea for the perfume, named Serenascent, after going on a forest trek in the US twenty years ago.   Dr Lavidis said the aroma worked on the emotional and memory parts of the brain known as the amygdala and the hippocampus.

The scent is said to have the pleasant aroma of a freshly-cut lawn or a walk through a lush forest.  It will go into production next month and sell for around £4 a bottle.  — Daily Mail

I read this and immediately go to work, only to learn that while the product is in production, it is not yet for sale to “overseas markets.”  Guess I’ll have to wait.

But in the meantime, I’ll mow the lawn.  I love mowing the lawn.  Now that I know it’s (a) actually good for me, and (b) I’m getting high — legally! — doing it, I love it even more.  The whole time I’m pushing the mower around the yard barefoot, nothing between me and the baking sun on my ass but a pair of cut-offs and a touch of sunblock on my big nose and bald head, I’m getting high, and never until now even know it.

A0CDB1To be perfectly honest, after mowing the lawn, the lawn smells a lot better than I do.  It’s usually pretty hot out there, especially May through September when the grass is thickest and wettest, so it’s hard work and I sweat buckets.   I don’t think rolling around on the lawn like a cat in heat would help, either, although it might be fun to alarm the neighbors.  Actually, I don’t smell sweet like a fresh-mowed lawn at all — it’s a combination of stale beer, fresh sweat, mud, animal droppings, gasoline fumes, and that emanation of uniquely masculine stench that women recognize and flee from, except that time of month when they swoon over it.

This, I guess, is where Serenascent enters the picture.  Well, not quite.  A long hot shower with detailed scrubbing is recommended first, and perhaps some excavation and manscaping.  (Don’t ask.)  Only afterwards apply the Serenascent, and watch the women go wild.

Or not.   Maybe smelling like newly mowed lawn doesn’t work as well in an armpit or as after-shave as it does on the north 40.  For all I know, it smells like ass.  I’ll let you know.


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6 Responses to “Eau de Mow”

  1. Fran G'Panni says:

    For some reason, I giggled the whole way through this post. The last paragraph made me laugh out loud. I don’t know why. But thanks.

    How come you didn’t visit me in Key West?

  2. Garden gnome says:

    You should mow more often. I have a very boring job, and getting high every two weeks isn’t good enough.

  3. Frank of Oregon says:

    When you think about it, a cologne that smells like a fresh-mowed lawn isn’t anything odder than one that smells lime or rum or sandalwoo or anything else men’s cologne often smells like. It doesn’t sound any LESS odd, either.

    I don’t bother with cologne at all. I just try to stay clean. Soap and water, sometimes some powder. Most men’s cologne makes me gag. THAT’S what smells like ass.

  4. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    I hate mowing the lawn or lawns as in my case. But then again its something that has to be done and gets me out of the house in mother nature. Personally for some strange reason beyond me my other half likes the smell of a sweat covered man that also smells of gasoline and pepporoni. Dont as me why cause I have no clue.

  5. Ted End says:

    Mr Schwinkie: I had no idea you could get pepperoni to grow on the lawn. What do you have to do — order a pizza, pick off the slices, and plant them?

    • Mr Schwinnckle says:

      IT doesnt the fucking homeless toss the left overs in your yard as they walk past your house here in Bania Deach. I am so over this shitty.

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