Teen Angel

When I saw the news about Ardi, it was like déjà vu all over again.

Ardi lived 4.4 million years ago in the woodlands of East Africa. She spent most of her time in the trees. She stood about 4 feet tall, weighed 110 pounds, and had long arms, short legs, and a grasping big toe that was perfect for clambering branch to branch. She ate in the trees, raised her offspring in the trees, slept in the trees.  But sometimes she came down to the ground, and stood upright. She could walk on two legs. She was, in a sense, taking baby steps on a journey that would change the world. —  Washington Post

I swear this is the girl I took to my junior prom.  But how can this be?  She’s 4.4 million years old.  As ancient as I am, I can’t claim to be more than half her age at most.

ardi-reutersNevertheless, the resemblance is uncanny. I think that’s what she wore, too.  I remember I had a helluva time talking her out of it, and once I did, I wished I hadn’t.   She had more hair on her back than the metal shop teacher, known as “Mr. Sweater.”  She had a better vocabulary, though.  Not that I cared.

The Creationists are surprisingly low-key on this discovery.  Evidently it’s just one of those annoying facts that interfere with their beliefs about the way god created the world a few decades back, si they ignore it.  Besides, they’re somewhat irritated that the former president, who remains solidly in their ideological camp, never got a Nobel Prize  for his faith, and the current occupant of the White House, who seems to favor science and Darwin and reading to oneself without moving one’s lips, found one tossed his way simply for not being his predecessor.

Besides, any Creationist worth his salt doesn’t see anything significant about Ardi’s discovery.  They see no link between whatsoever her and us human creatures.  It’s a shame I can’t produce as proof the banana peel from the gift she gave me on prom night.  I solemnly pinned an orchid on her furry breast, and she gravely handed me a ripe Chiquita in return.   “Grungh,” she said.  “Let’s dance,” I answered.

Very moving ‘way back then.  But we were young.  So very, very young.  * sigh *

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11 Responses to Teen Angel

  1. Ms Calabaza says:

    Well, this Monday can’t be all bad ’cause you’re back Squatty … I started reading and was fascinated with Ardi as I am a Jane Goodall fan from way back and thought you were becoming the gentler, kinder, thoughtful Squathole … until I read this line: “I swear this is the girl I took to my junior prom” . . . you made me LOL

    Welcome Back!

  2. Dawgbowl says:

    Great boobs. I would award her a Nobel Prize just for that.

  3. Old Timer says:

    That can’t be the girl you took to the prom, man. Even without the habit, I recognize s the nun who taught first grade at St. Iguana in Homestead for about 2 centuries.

  4. Neil, A Christian Soul says:

    The theory of evolution contradicts the bible, which is the Word of God. You’re going to hell.

  5. King Kong says:

    I’m soooo in love with Ardi……Faye, take a hike.

  6. Jerry Falwell's Ghost says:

    You will rot in hell.

  7. f*ckoff says:

    You sure that was your date? After reading some of this shit I would have guessed it was your mother.

  8. Ruh Roh says:

    Too bad Ardi’s not alive. She could easily serve on the Public Utilities Commission or Broward school board and do a better job. She’s a lot better looking than Beverly Gallagher, too.

  9. 8 Bells says:

    I like bananas because they have a peel.

  10. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    Holy Shit! I think I have seen her walking the streets of Bania Deach or is that Dania Bitch or Dania Beach. She might just be on Police Women of Broward County next season!

  11. Art Rox says:

    That picture of Ardi reminds me — you ever hear from your pal Manuel Tellachea?

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