Red Army

Aaaah.  Social networking.

Authorities say there were at least five attacks on red-haired students at a Southern California middle school after a Facebook group announced “Kick a Ginger Day.”

Investigators say the Facebook message may have been inspired by a “South Park” TV episode that satirized racial prejudice by portraying a campaign against red-haired, fair-skinned “ginger” people.

Investigators have not made any arrests and don’t consider the attacks to be hate crimes.   –Miami Hurled

I have this thing about redheads.  It’s probably a sickness, and it seems to run in my family among the males.  They leave me cringing with desire, stupid with lust.   I wasn’t even aware of it until my 20s, when it struck with terminal force, and I married one.  So this sordid little episode resonates deeply.

Gentlemen may prefer blondes, but I’m no gentleman.

All I’ll say here about redheads is, they really are different.  They not only look different, they’re constructed differently.  They even smell and taste different.  Wonderfully different.  Blindfold me and lead me into a room, and I’ll pick out the redheads.  I can even taste freckles.

So — Why isn’t this a hate crime?  These individuals were selected for abuse precisely because of their hair and skin color.   The attacks were motivated by hatred of these beautiful people’s surface characteristics; they were targeted for who they are and what they look like.  Isn’t that the definition of a hate crime?

Redheads are in this year, by the way.  You’ll find them in print ads, on billboards, and in teevee commercials.  Not all are born redheads – we aficionados can spot the difference, and the one sure test is NSFW – but even the fact that Hollywood and Madison Avenue are using artificial means to mimic the look tells you about the fashion and the marketing power.  Great!  I’m ahead of this trend, and I’m already sold.

The last thing the world wants is a militant redhead movement, even though the vision of battalions of redheads, male and female, angry and arrayed in battle gear, presents an enormous erotic influence on some of us.  Hell.  I’ll sign on as an Auxiliary. They’ll make war.  I’ll make love.

Red is the new pink.

(see more here!)

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11 Responses to Red Army

  1. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    Where do these kids come up with this shit?

    http://www.miamiherald.com/news/florida/AP/story/1350128.html

    So they pick one day of the week to beat the shit out of kids?

    Bash the Brother Mondays?
    Knock the Nerd Tuesdays?
    Bean the Beaner Wednesday?
    Knee the Nerd Thursdays?
    Beat the shit out of the Yankee Fridays? Wait thats what happened to me in 1980 when I moved down here and the KKK was running crazy in Davie and West Hollyhood. The school I attended hated me since I just moved here from NY state.

  2. Al Bino says:

    Yeah. Tell me about it.

  3. Frank of Oregon says:

    Mr Schwinklestein: It probably wasn’t because you’re from NY state, but probably because you’re ugly, stupid, and Jewish. I had the same sort of trouble when I moved from Portland to Walla Walla as a kid.

  4. Lazlo Toth says:

    I love redheads, too. You’re the only other person I know who says what I say about the way they taste. It’s true. I also noticed that the freckles on their arms and thighs taste different than the ones on their chest and shoulders. But it’s all good.

  5. Lois Terms says:

    Kids are just awful. They look for any excuse whatever to be nasty to each other. There’s no need to single this out as a hate crime because kids hate everything and everybody.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

  6. Manual Override says:

    Mr Schwinnkle: In my school, EVERY day was Kick a Jew Day until all the Jewish families moved out. Then it became Choke a Chink Day. This went on until Immigration showed up and it became Missing Mexican Day because we all stayed home. This is a great country, isn’t it?

  7. Howdy Doody says:

    I’ve always been kind of partial to freckled redheads myself.

  8. Red Sonja says:

    Here I come to save the day…..

  9. Conan says:

    Racial profiling. That’s why I’ve lost my audience.

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