The Land of Milkin’ Honey

Or, “KY Jail-y.”

A Kentucky woman is facing a felony assault charge for allegedly squirting breast milk into the face of a female jailer. After Toni Tramel, 31, was arrested last Thursday for public intoxication, she was transported to the Daviess County Detention Center in Owensboro. While there, Tramel…was directed to change into a jail uniform. But the uncooperative suspect was “too intoxicated to complete the task on her own,” so Officer Lula Brown sought to aid her…While in the jail’s shower room, Brown told Tramel that she “needed to take her shirt and bra off” before changing into a green jail smock. That is when Tramel “took off her bra, grabbed her breast and squirted breast milk, hitting me in the face and neck region,” reported Brown. Tramel attempted a second lactation assault, “but was unsuccessful,” added Brown. Tramel is now being held in the Daviess County lockup on $5000 bond. As for Brown, a jail press release noted that the officer was successfully able to “clean the bio-hazard off her.” — SmokingGun.com

This sounds familiar, doesn’t it?  I remember seeing this very movie years ago in the sort of studio where men wear hats on their laps and rarely remain seated until the fat lady sings.  Different ending, though: as I recall, a third actor assisted with “cleaning off the bio-hazard,” using her tongue.

It just goes to show that one person’s “lactation assault” is another’s wet dream.  A jail house shower room, big squirting jugs, women in uniforms struggling with wet, half-naked prisoners….there are entire sections of porn stores devoted to variations of this theme.  More than even I can keep up with.

And somewhere some hungry infant is waiting for a meal.  The milk of human kindness, cut with alcohol.  Breakfast of champions

Say – are these the Kentuckians who elected Jim Bunning to the Senate three times?

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5 Responses to The Land of Milkin’ Honey

  1. She was just giving change because the guard asked, “Got two nipples for a dime ?”

    Boy, talk about being lactose intolerant!

  2. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  3. Piles says:

    You really are one twisted mammal, aren’t you.

  4. Average Guy says:

    If you add a little chocolate syrup it ain’t so bad …

  5. Dawgbowl says:

    “Lactation assault.” Great. Wasn’t it just last week you found the term, “womb lynching?” Maybe you should make weird expressions this a regular feature.

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