(How cold is it?)
It’s been so cold the lawyers have been running around with their hands in their OWN pockets.
Wow is that old. But then, so is this goddam winter weather……which, in my exhausted but hopeful state, I think has finally, on the weekend of the first day of spring, cleared out for good.
Not that Guido has any intention of removing the electric blanket from the bed. Or the other one. Guido trusts the weather as far as she can pis up a tree.
But for the first time this year I’ve seen some signs of spring. On Saturday, the beshitted bum homeless person at the bus stop on Federal and Johnson was out on the curb without his wool cap on. I see (and smell) blossoms on my sour orange tree. I watched two lizards copulating (and got jealous). A friend reported seeing an entire caravan of packed Winnebagos with Canadian plates heading north on I-95.
This was the worst winter I’ve spent in Florida since we moved here in 1985. I lost scores of plants, and the landscaping has been decimated. We ran the heat continuously for weeks. I lost my tan completely – I was as pale as Casper’s ass for the entire month of January and most of February. We went through gallons of Jack Daniels and Tullamore Dew, our cold weather drinks, instead of tequila. It’s been grim.
Many times this winter we asked ourselves, “Why don’t we move to Florida, where it’s warm?”
I’m not fully invested in the seasonal change just yet. My leather coat remains accessible, as do my Harris Tweeds and wool jackets. We’re still closing the windows overnight. And I’m still on my winter cologne – I have one for each season, and by now in a normal year I’d be well into spring fragrance – but I don’t take it for granted. Not this year.
I only hope all of you shrinking violets who whine and moan about the glorious heat and humidity we are fortunate enough to bask in, and who embrace the “refreshing” cold fronts that arrive late in the year, have finally had enough and will shut the hell up. But you won’t.