Cover Your Tits for Muhammad!

The experts tell us otherwise, but instinctively it seems like we’ve seen a plethora of natural disasters lately.  No, I don’t mean the return of Courtney Love.   I refer to this belching Icelandic volcano going on and doing what most people would have said was impossible: making airplane travel even  more of an ordeal than the airlines’ management has created.  This on the heels of the worldwide Earthquake of the Month competition, China just weighing in last week after Haiti and Mexico.

Well, finally we have a convincing, scientific explanation:

A senior Iranian cleric says women who wear revealing clothing and behave promiscuously are to blame for earthquakes.

Iran is one of the world’s most earthquake-prone countries, and the cleric’s unusual explanation for why the earth shakes follows a prediction by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad that a quake is certain to hit Tehran and that many of its 12 million inhabitants should relocate.

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media.

“What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?” Sedighi asked during a prayer sermon on Friday.  “There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes.”  — Stuff.co.nz

Ladies: f you take this admonition seriously you have two options.  First, if you want to spare Iran from a deadly telluric event, better button up your burkas. On the other hand, if you’d like to bring about what Israel, much of the Arab Middle East, and the American Wingnut movement darkly threaten, start stripping.  I see a “Flash Your Tits To Flatten Tehran” movement on the horizon.  Forget the nukes, just bare your boobs!

Can you see it?  Huge rallies with women screaming “No Nukes Nipples! Nipples No Nukes!”  Apoplectic Muslim clerics  threatening the wrath of god in retaliation.  The West seizes the opportunity to negotiate away Iran’s aggressive nuclear reactor policy.  And millions of testosterone-fueled adolescents remain glued to the teevee set (literally), finally taking an interest in  citizen activism.

Well, you blasphemous infidels go ahead and laugh  but this holy man makes as much as sense as the bozoic “experts” I heard this winter telling Teabaggers that a 3-day cold snap in Washington D.C. is proof that global warming is a hoax.   You believed them, right?

Whoa.  I just felt the earth move.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Cover Your Tits for Muhammad!

  1. Kim Chee says:

    So “Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi” is Persian for “Pat Robertson.”

  2. Paot says:

    I realize you’re trying to be funny here, but you mischaracterize Israel’s motives by suggesting it would favor Iran’s destruction. Israel as a nation would prefer peace in the region (and the world); its strong warnings to Iran only serve to discourage escalation of hostilities that would in fact lead to a failure to maintain peace.

  3. Have they noticed that there’s never an earthquake during a “Girls Gone Wild” video. Obviously they’re wrong.

  4. Human Buffet says:

    Nice post. How many death threats have you got so far?

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