Eye Eye, Captain

Even though Guido and I aren’t going to Key West until Friday,  our heads are already there.   We love Key West.

The one thing that KW has emphasized recently – it’s on the wane, thankfully – is this fascination with pirates.  I’m not into pirates at all.  I don’t drink rum, I get seasick easily, and excessive body hair and jewelry leave me rather cold.  In fact, the only thing I like about the pirate mythology is their  appreciation  for flogging.

However, last time there I find myself  standing next to one.  Poor bastard has a hook where his hand should be, a peg leg, and an eye patch.  I tell Bartender to set me and the pirate up with a drink, then ask him what the story is with the  body hardware.

“Aaaargh,” begins Pirate.  (How typical ).  “I lost the leg in a battle off the Ivory Coast.  Cannon ball  put a hole in the foc’s’le, I fell through.  Bled like a stuck pig but saved my life.”

Ouch. How ‘bout the hook?

“Aargh again,” says Pirate.  “Bar fight in Jamaica.  I think there was a woman involved.  Can’t remember exactly, but there were a dozen nasty bastards with knives and swords and broken bottles…….and the next thing I know I’m in bandages and missing a hand.”

Thank god for Obamacare, right?  How ‘bout the eye?

Pirate shakes his head.  “Goddam parrot on my shoulder has the runs, shits in my eye,” he says.

That shouldn’t have cost you an eye.

Pirate drains his drink.   “Right,” he says.  “But that was the first day after the hook.”

I love Key West.

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7 Responses to Eye Eye, Captain

  1. Fran G'Panni says:

    This time dearest, you and Guido MUST meet me for a drink. I’ll send my cell phone number to your email.

  2. 'Nonymous says:

    Good one. I like the line about Obamacare, too, and you’re right — if there was demographic that might like Obamacare, it’s the pirate class.

  3. Kent Standit says:

    You and the oil slick will probably get there at the same time. Which wilol create more filth and chaos?

  4. Old Timer says:

    Oh come on…that joke’s older than I am, and I remember when the Yankee Clipper was a boat, not a Lauderdale hotel.

  5. when yer on Key West, I’ll keep an eye out for ya”….arrrrghhhhhhh

  6. NicFitKid says:

    “Don’t talk to me about naval tradition. It’s nothing but rum, sodomy and the lash.” –Churchill

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