El Oh El Ay

We’re back from Key West, and we’re shot to shit.  This was, after all, a designated birthday weekend (the actual date is today), and it’s a big one.  How big?  Well, here’s my story:

Guido and I are doing the Duval Crawl when we both spot what has to be the single more gorgeous hooker in the Keys, ever.   She is unearthly sensuous,  Sex pours out of her like a ruptured oil well (well, that’s a crappy way of putting it – but you understand the context).

Is this my birthday weekend? I ask Guido, and she just sighs, because she had promised me “anything,” and knew this might happen.

So we both approach her, and to make the story shorter if not bearable, she tells us that she gives “the best handjobs ever conceived” for only $500.

“$500!” explodes Guido.  “No hand job on the planet is worth $500.”

Hooker smiles.  “See that tee shirt store?” she says, gesturing across the street.  “See the one a block down?  And the one across from that?  They’re mine, and you know why?  Because my handjobs are worth $500.”

I don’t believe it but I’m as weak as I am stupid so we end up making the deal, which we consummate in her, um, studio.  And yeah, it was worth the money.

“Happy now?” asks Guido.

Well, I am, but I want to know what she gets for a blowjob.  A grand?

“Fifteen hundred,” says Hooker.

Fifteen hundred?  No blowjob in the world is worth $1,500!

She walks us to the window.  “See that marina with the raw bar?” she asks.  “The one with the yachts docked and the motel beside it?  That’s mine, and it’s all because my blowjobs are worth $1,500.”  She smiles at Guido.  “You’re so sweet – there’s something in this for you, too.”

What can I say?  It’s my birthday, and Guido promised me “anything.”  And again, we get our money’s worth.

Well, I’m flat broke, done for the day and maybe the whole damn month of May afterwards but I have to know, so I ask what she gets for some pussy.  She laughs out loud, and walks us to the window.

“See that cruise ship?” she asks.  “It’s one of three in the company line.”

Don’t tell me that’s yours, too!

“No,” she sighs, batting her eyelids.  “It isn’t.  But it WOULD be, if I had a pussy.”

Happy birthday to me.

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15 Responses to El Oh El Ay

  1. Tony Montana says:

    Felicidades Esquathol! U cock-a-roche u!

  2. Yono Senada says:

    Feliz cumpleanos y muchos, muchos, muchos MORE … a mi Squatty favorito!

    (practicing my chonga Espanglish these days with my Espanglish for Dummies book.

  3. Fran G'Panni says:

    Glad you guys made it down……and back home, too! It was great seeing in the flesh somebody I’d only known as text on a screen. And like I told you at the Bull, you two are exactly what I expected.

    See you next time!

  4. Tanya Hyde says:

    Happy Big One, Squatso. Hit the beach!

  5. mkhall says:

    Once has to wonder: if she made all that money from handjobs and blowjobs, why didn’t she nip (heh) up to SoBe and get that last little problem dealt with, too?

    Happy birthday, youngster!

  6. Miami Harold says:

    Just a number made more manageable
    by watching younger people deteriorate more rapidly than yourself.
    Happy birthday.

  7. Rollo Nickels says:

    I call Bullshit. The tee shirt shops are all owned by one Israeli, the marina/raw bar/hotel by giant corporations, and the cruise ship lines by international conglamorates. Bullshit. BULLSHIT!!

    I’d have done the same thing. Guido is a trooper.

    Happy birthday, Bullshitter.

  8. V says:

    Funny you should mention this OLD joke as your blog topic. I met the MOST beautiful transvestite or transsexual yesterday… in the office. Truly gorgeous, great body and Steve you woulda fainted with awe over his/her breasts. Sometimes ‘man’ can beat out nature!

  9. Diesel Fitter says:

    Old joke, old man. And I should know! But well presented.

    PS Good thing you weren’t in Jamaica.

  10. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    Happy Birthday Squats! Hey V who are you and who the hell is Steve?

    Speaking of Transvestites, Denny has been seen walking the streets of Dania Beach again. Ah yes, just like the good old days when Denny was on Cops when Sheriff Nick was in town. Dumb ass white boy got pulled over and didnt know Denny was a guy in drag. BSO knew who Denny was. Now he is as famous as the Pirates Inn!

  11. Yppah Yadhtrib

    Tseb
    Professor Backwards
    “Pleh, Pleh”

  12. MadamI says:

    Happy Big One Squatsman!!! oh yeah and where in the hell are the pictures ?!?!?!

  13. Tbaglow says:

    No Tru U ben had mon! Doncha aks ta chek dem fet mon. Bumboclot! A nuh mi fi like it dem battyman but I hand it to ur olde ladi diggin da agony vibe an gettin crunk. Aright peace out bro!

  14. Sharpshooter says:

    Suqatty,
    I hope you have a great birthday young fellow. Hope you enjoy many more.
    Glad to see you made it back from Kety West alright. Hope you had a great time down there.
    Happy birthday since we share a May birthday celebration. Mine is the 12th and I arrived at the tender age of 67.
    Happy Birthday!
    Sharpshooter.

  15. ya'gotta'guessit says:

    Little Agony is in her late ’50s, and Grundoon is right behind.

    You are freaking OLD!!!

    Happy birthday, Squats.

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