There’s Some One in My Head….

For 10 days’ vacation I studiously avoid the news, e-mail, blogs, teevee news, sports, the innerwebs, and even newspapers.  The Magical Unplugged Squathole Tour.   Air out the brain.  Detox the circuits.  You get the idea.

I return to the following, and immediately experience the hard landing of terminal cultural shock:

[O]n Monday, federal prosecutors accused 11 people of being part of a Russian espionage ring, living under false names and deep cover in a patient scheme to penetrate what one coded message called American “policy making circles.”

Jessie Gugig, 15, said she could not believe the charges, especially against Mrs. Murphy. “They couldn’t have been spies,” she said…. “Look what she did with the hydrangeas.” – NYTimes

Okay, she was kidding around.  Wasn’t she?  Is there something incompatible about hydrangeas and espionage I should know about?  Is this  tidbit found in the Homeland Security playbook?

How about this caption from the same paper:

“A voter in Bujumbura prepared to cast a ballot in Burundi’s presidential election Monday.  After all the opposition parties pulled out of the race, the incumbent president, Pierre Nkurunziza, was the sole candidate.  Grenade attacks kept down voter turnout. (my italics)

Well, yeah, grenades just might dampen the ol’ get-out-the-vote spirit.  Hell, in this country, it’s axiomatic that inner-city residents don’t vote when it rains.   But it’s quite a jolt to come up against this nasty shit again after 10 days of worrying about nothing more serious than  which hand to extend to reach for the beer.   Especially if one is as ambidextrous as he is omnibulous.

Spiraling back to reality, I lunch at a diner with a famous local blogger this afternoon.  We’re trying to do this weekly (weakly), keeping alive several years of mutual productive antagonism that transmogrifies into creative amusement (ours, anyway).    The waitress, an elderly sort whose smiling face complements the cracked supper plates she deals in daily, delivers the check and tells us, “I’ll take this when you’re ready.”   “Excellent,” I say.  “As soon as we have jobs.”

Shit, did that come out of my face?  Seriously?  I’m back home, godammit.

Photo:  AIA through Golden Mile.

Extra credit:  Pronounce “Nkurunziza.”

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6 Responses to There’s Some One in My Head….

  1. Hose B says:

    After all the opposition parties pulled out of the race, the incumbent president, Pierre Nkurunziza, was the sole candidate.

    Did he win?

  2. Welcome home, back to reality. I love your use of the word “transmorgify”, Calvin.

    Regarding the spies, two were picked up in The People’s Republic of Cambridge ( where you were last weekend) pretending they were Canadian citizens for the past ten years .

    Today’s Globe featured a great “Boris and Natasha” cartoon”. In Cambridge , they were hardly noticed!

  3. Greande attacks on election day! Stop giving Karl Rove new ideas to keep Florida voters away!

    • CB Hudirolf says:

      What’s a ‘greande”? Is that “vote” in Burundi??

      Cambridge gets harmless Russian spies, Florida houses 911 terrorists. Neither community has a clue who it is that walks among them. In Florida, obnoxious people are the norm, and we don’t have hydrangeas. What’s Cambridge’s excuse? Too many college professors and liberals?

  4. Human Buffet says:

    Evidently you’re not tempermentally suited to this reality phenomenon most of us either deal with or avoid. I recommend drugs. Reality is only for people who can’t handle drugs.

  5. Yono Senada says:

    Amen to Human Buffet.

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