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The new owner of late reclusive author J.D. Salinger’s compound in Cornish, NH  is apparently selling off some of the house’s fixtures with an eye towards cashing on on his literary reputation. The Vault of Forsythe, Inc., a collectibles dealer based in North Carolina, is handling the items and has just listed the toilet from Salinger’s home on eBay  with a “buy it now” price of $1 million, The full listing for the curious commode reads as follows:

“This is the toilet that was personally owned and used by J.D. Salinger for many years! It sat in his home in Cornish, New Hampshire, and was installed in the ‘new wing’ of his house. When he died, his wife inherited all of his manuscripts with plans to eventually release some of them! Who knows how many of these stories were thought up and written while Salinger sat on this throne! This vintage toilet is from 1962 and is dated under the lid. It will come to you uncleaned and in it’s original condition when it was removed from Salinger’s old home! It will also include a letter from Joan Littlefield. Her and her husband are the new owners of Salinger’s house and are the ones who had the toilet removed and replaced. It is dated April 16, 2010. Don’t miss your chance to own a piece of history!!” — Luxist

Got it?  The Crapper in the Rye.

Given Salinger’s lifelong obsession with privacy, it’s not difficult to imagine his reaction (were it possible).   Good thing he already died (died), or this would kill him.  P.S. – Thank god there’s no pink, furry seat cover.  Can you imagine?

Crassness aside, would anybody want it?  Sure.  Not for its magical powers, regardless of the seller’s whimsical suggestion linking Salinger’s creativity to his throne, but as a collectable or a relic.  Hell, compared to collecting human body parts, this is bland.  And at least no zany relatives have popped up to cut off his head for cryogenic preservation.  Yet.

Is it a smart investment?  Not for me to say, but given the direction of the real estate market, stocks, and T-Notes, all of which are headed for the toilet, well, maybe these days porcelain compares favorably with gold.  Especially vintage porcelain.

It’s kind of off-putting under any circumstances for those of us who hope to live long enough to read whatever Salinger wrote and refused to release over the last half century.  When the first thing out of the gate is his toilet, it only makes us more eager to see his shit.