The Disappeared

Among the thieves who stole alcohol from a liquor store on Hallandale Beach Boulevard were women who can be seen on surveillance video concealing an expensive bottle of cognac under their skirts, WSVN-Ch. 7 reported.

Detectives told WSVN that as an accomplice distracted a store clerk, a woman took a pricey bottle of cognac from the shelf and put it up her skirt. Moments later, other thefts also took place as an accomplice spoke with a store clerk.

The women are believed to have taken up to six bottles of alcohol, some of which are valued at more than $1,000.  – Sun-Sentinel

I certainly hope that bottle remained tightly sealed during its ordeal and rescue.

Years ago I attended a bachelor party where a charming young lady, bare-ass naked, made a grapefruit disappear.  The now-you-see-it-now-you-don’t image has remained with me all these years.  She even retained possession whole she completed her dance.  Afterwards, we toasted the groom-to-be with a strong fish-scented citrus drink,  the stripper looking on approvingly, smoking a large cigar.  Yes, there.

If the miracle of birth is all about what enters the world, there is still something wondrous, if not actually miraculous, about what can be stowed away.  This is the primal message found in countless tales throughout folklore and literature, from Plato’s Parable of the Caves to the joke that ends, “Flashlight hell!  Help me find my truck keys and we’ll DRIVE the hell out of here.

(Email Squathole@gmail.com if you want to have the joke but are too embarrassed to confess before the world that you don’t already know it.  Relax: I probably won’t expose you as a naïve ignoramus.)

I remember hearing about a longitudinally challenged guy who kept his work boots on during sex so he could tie his feet to the bed’s footboard.  Somewhere along the line he’d heard about getting sucked all the way in. never to return.   Yeah, he had other challenges as well.

Anyway, I applaud the young lady’s determination, if not originality, and her unwitting commitment to tradition.  And I’m glad I don’t care for cognac.

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5 Responses to The Disappeared

  1. Katherine the Great says:

    Child’s play. Down, Cerberus. Easy, boy.

  2. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  3. Mr Schwinnckle says:

    Gives new meaning to Liquor in the front poker in the rear!

  4. mkhall says:

    But Squatty, “I thought you might want to open them beers first!”

  5. Ted End says:

    I know that joke about the truck key but I don’t see what it has to do with this story. How about the one with the stage coach and the dwarf stuck to your lower lip — isn’t that more appropriate? Well, maybe not.

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