Why Does This Tea Taste Like Kool-Aid?

Following yesterday’s elections, the biggest victors are the members of and lobbyists for the US Chamber of Commerce, which sunk $75 into contests nationwide (mostly supporting Republicans).  How does this play out over the next two years?

“We get what we pay for,” Ginny Hamm, s spokesman for the organization, told me this morning.   “When we buy a politician, that sonofabitch stays bought.”

It looks like the price went up, Ginny.  What, the price of a hand job has risen?  They’re charging a quarter to use the men’s room at airports these days?

“The stakes are a lot higher,” she says, crisply.  “We have to keep the level of fear high, and a steady campaign of misinformation like you saw this election season will be expensive.  FOX doesn’t do it for love, you know, and they need their revenues to increase annually.”

How exactly does the Chamber of Commerce, which is the quintessential establishment organization and inside player, manage to convince voters that its candidates of choice are agents of change, out to best serve the interests of people they don’t represent?

Ginny laughs.  “Now you know why this is so expensive,” she says.  “But remember: we sold tobacco and cigarettes for half a century, not to mention wars, fatal pharmaceuticals, and gas-guzzlers in a fuel crisis.  Our people are the best there are.  And if there’s one thing we proved over the years, most Americans are gullible morons who will swallow any shit we concoct if we alternately sugar-coat it and scare ‘em.

“Have a nice decade, loser!”  Off she goes.

Well, I suppose.  It doesn’t make any sense to me, but then, I never thought I earned enough money to afford being a Republican.  I have a back-of-the-envelope test.  I own mutual funds and investments that include energy and oil companies.  When the price of a barrel of oil goes up, my investments do better.  But I also own a home and two cars, which require energy.  If the cost of keeping the household in gas and electricity exceeds the revenue from my investments, then I can’t afford to vote Republican.

Of course, I could sell the home and cars and invest more cash in oil companies…..and become a homeless Republican with a fat stock portfolio.  Is that insane?  Well, so was this last election, so maybe, at long last, I’m starting to get it.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Why Does This Tea Taste Like Kool-Aid?

  1. Manuel Override says:

    What a great career plan — a homeless, carless Republican with major holdings in oil companies. I think you should go for it, then try to get yourself on the lecture circuit. Maybe BP would sponsor you. You’d be a big hit on Career Days.

  2. CluelessSoFla says:

    There was an election?

  3. MadamI says:

    No clueless, that’s an erection. All pumped up and nowhere to go. Get it.. gas, oil, pumped Sigh…

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