The Breast of Times, The Wurst of Thymes….

Show me Lassie’s puppy eating cantaloupe, and I’ll show you a melon collie baby.” – Soupy Sales

Heh.  But seriously, ladies and germs……

Farmer Rowie Meers has found the perfect way to support her crop of giant melons – using old bras.  Rowie, 45, came up with the lingerie idea after her galia melons grew so big they threatened to break the vines they grow on.  She found DD bras provide the perfect support for a pair of juicy melons as they grow.

She said yesterday: “We had such a fantastic crop of galia melons and I was struggling to stop them swinging too low.  We needed something to suspend them. My eureka moment came as I looked down – the answer was under my nose.  I thought let’s use bras because they suspend my melons very well.”  – Daily Record

The next story will have something to do with the goliath peanut farmer who gets the idea of using jock straps for his oversized crop.  “I was just staring at the strained vine, hustling my balls when it occurred to me,” he told reporters.

“My grandfather’s cock was too large for his jock / So it stood 90 years on the floor.”  –Alan Sherman

I could have a very good time with this, but I need a stein of cold foaming beer and ragtime piano music working in the background.  Nothing like embarrassing the grandchildren, you know.  Actually, I don’t know.  Ain’t got no grandchildren.  We had some, but the cats were allergic, so we got rid of them.

“Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, Jack jump over the candle stick,

Silly boy, should have jumped higher, Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!”

Don’t know who came up with that one, or this variation:

“Jack be nimble. Jack be quick. Jill’s gone to bed with the candlestick.”

I see we’ve left the melon farmer hanging ‘way back there, so I better quit.  Never did get to the wurst, either.   Maybe next thyme.

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4 Responses to The Breast of Times, The Wurst of Thymes….

  1. Mumblety Peg says:

    Men are such pigs.

  2. Missy the Collie says:

    Jack be Nimble, Jack be quick, Jack burnt off his fucking dick!

  3. Old Timer says:

    Alan Sherman! Hello Mudda Hello Fadda! I haven’t thought of him since the last time my wife got horny…..you have ANY conception (no pun meant) how long ago that was?

    What’s next? Limericks?

    There was a young man from Nantucket…..

  4. Moose and Squirrel says:

    Hold it.
    “Goliath peanuts.”
    You pulled that out of thin ass, liddle butty, and we cawtcha.
    Busted!

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