Fox Noose

In the true Christian spirit embodied by the Season, here’s a quick one from the World of Wingnuttery on dead dogs, football players, President Obama, and capital punishment:

Well, Michael Vick now has even more in common with Donovan McNabb than just his old job under his former coach. Just as McNabb was frequently blindsided by off-the-wall attacks (Rush Limbaugh, Bernard Hopkins, etc.), Vick last night took an unlikely shot from Fox News commentator Tucker Carlson.

Guest hosting Sean Hannity’s show, Carlson noted that President Obama had praised Eagles owner Jeff Lurie for given Vick a second chance after his incarceration on charges related to a dogfighting ring.

“I’m a Christian,” Carlson said, a preface that is often followed by un-Christian remarks. “I’ve made mistakes myself. I believe fervently in second chances. But Michael Vick killed dogs and he did in a heartless and cruel way. I think personally he should have been executed for that. He wasn’t.”  — philly.com

I’m a Christian. What is it about those three words that instantly inspire wariness?  I find them a whole lot more ominous than the famous, I’m from the government and I’m here to help you.

I don’t know who Tucker Carlson is, or anything about him other than what I read here.  But there’s enough to connect the dots: a mouthy wingnut scratching for whatever twig he can pick up to beat Obama with.  That’s his job.  And who could possibly fail to see that anybody who has anything nice to say about a cruel canine killer has to himself have a black heart and devil-corrupted soul.  Not to mention no birth certificate.

I have no idea what this Tucker fellow means when he simultaneously says, “I believe in second chances,” and “[Vick] should have been executed,” but I think it’s similar to hypocrites of his kidney who say they want government out of their lives and then demand a constitutional amendment banning abortion.  It’s something they just do, evidently to amuse people with functional brain cells.  That’s why they’re on Faux News.  That’s what teevee is for.

The Michael Vick tale (pun) has been rehashed, spun, and opined-on so often even his dead dogs are howling to stop.  I could be wrong about this, but until this bozo suggested execution, nobody outside a tavern, not even PETA,  advocated the death penalty.  Even Muslim commentators suggested flogging, not stoning.

I guess that’s why he started off by saying, “I’m a Christian:” he was warning us about what was coming next.

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This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Fox Noose

  1. Dawgbowl says:

    Really, nobody suggested execution until now? I might have, had anybody asked me. He murdered dogs, and dogs are people, too. In fact, dogs are better than people.

  2. Borkon says:

    It’s a slow news week, so this is getting lots of attention in the Philly area. Personally, I think it’s the sort of dumbass remark better off ignored.

  3. Lois Terms says:

    Shorter Tucker Carlson: “I’m a Christian who believes FERVENTLY in second chances who thinks the sinner should be executed.” WWJD?

  4. Missing Lincoln says:

    I am of a particular religious persuasion, which I mention at the outset in order to self-certify my nominal commitment to a particular virtue or tenet of said persuasion, after which I will proceed to abandon said commitment in oder to tacitly and, in real-time, carve out an exception to the aforementioned virtue or tenet, based on circumstances which I shall raise, ad hoc, to a level of heinousness such that resolution, and redemption, can only be achieved through means so clearly excessive and themselves violative of other virtues or tenets of my religious persuasion, that I shall be branded an asshole by anyone with two fingers’ worth of forehead, yet still receive dim nods of agreement from other fellow assholes.

    Which was my purpose all along.

    (Page 52, Publicity (like protein) is Where You Find It)

  5. Ozzie Mandias says:

    …and when they preface remarks with “I’m born again,” i always ask

    So, how ya gettin’ along with your parole officer?

    • Joe Balls says:

      When somebody tell me they’re born again, I ask what went wrong the first time, and is it fixed now? Amazingly, they usually take this seriously and start in about, well, you know. Bo-ring.

  6. Pingback: Is He STILL Talking? « Obalesque

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