Two-Face the Nation

Breathless with anticipation, we focus on Washington D.C. today, awaiting this evening’s gala entertainment.  Even seating arrangements have made headlines, as Congresscritters debate the merits of Rep Udall’s proposal to mix-n-match ‘Crats and ‘Pubs in a show of why-can’t-we-all-just-get-along-ness.  What’s next?  Girl-boy-girl-boy?  Black-white-black-white?  Wingnut-Moonbat-Wingbat-Moonnut?

Side note: is this Congress pathetic or what?  First the House wastes a day with a symbolic reading of the Constitution.  Then they stage a symbolic (and hopeless) repeal-the-health-bill vote.  Now they pull  this hand-holding across the aisle business.  Vapid theatrics while terrorists bomb Moscow and cops get gunned down in Florida – and by the way, has the unemployment problem been resolved?  Get to work, asshats.  Enough showbiz!

First speaker is the President, of course, followed by the Official Rebuttal delivered by Rep. Paul Ryan of Wisconsin.  But the Big Time Entertainment is Rep Michelle Bachmann’s response, streamed live on the Tea Party Express official site.  A splendid time is guaranteed for y’all.

Wow.  Remember when the cartoons came BEFORE the main event?

My inside sources have informed me that Obama plans to drop a huge turd in the political punch bowl, ruining the party for friends and detractors alike.  I’ll share the salient sections:

“Fellow Americans, the recently concluded lame duck session of Congress has demonstrated without qualification that it is possible to set aside partisanship in the name of pragmatism.  I’m both proud and humbled by the efforts of leadership as well as rank-and-file members from both parties to cooperate on a variety of pressing issues.

“Therefore, to further this productive agenda, and to continue the sprit of bipartisan efforts, effective immediately I am changing my party registration to Republican.  (pause for gasps of disbelief.)  I feel this will have the effect of blunting the vituperative attacks which have hampered our progress, as well as provide a symbolic gesture that further reduces the importance of party politics in favor of productive policy.

“I also understand that the liberal wing of the Democrats believes I did this a year ago without telling them.  To them I offer this suggestion: Try it.  You’ll like it.”

Brilliant strategy, you’ll agree.  Hope and Change replaced by Bait and Switch.  Can you just hear Wingnut Nation trying to get their drooling mouths around the words “socialist Muslim Republican?”    Glenn Beck will be gurgling with indignation for weeks.  Maybe he’ll even swallow his tongue for us!

Or maybe just more empty symbolism.

Anyway, you heard it here first.

This entry was posted in Gen. Snark, Maj. Snafu, Corp. Punishment. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Two-Face the Nation

  1. Moose & Squirrel says:

    Ha! Believable.

  2. Charlie Crist says:

    Nobody is cynical enough to do something as obviously policially motivated as that.

  3. Ted End says:

    I listened to the whole speech and he never said anything about this. You Lie!

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