Ear Ear!

Devastating floods in Australia?  Never let a crisis go to waste:

[T]wo Australian teenagers were rescued from floodwaters while clinging to an inflatable sex doll near Melbourne [Australia].  The young man and woman were attempting to float downriver on the sex toy, but the woman had to be rescued by a kayaker when she wasn’t able to maintain her position on the pornographic life raft. The man, of course, showed remarkable agility in remaining on top of it. Rescuers managed to save both victims, wrapping the woman in a blanket and giving the man a cigarette and a TV remote. – AOL News

I see the makings of a new Olympic sport here.

Maybe I’m just a stick in the mud,  but I never entertained the notion that a life-size inflatable sex toy would float, let alone support the weight of an adult.  Truth to tell, I have zero experience with these devices.  They always kind of creeped me out.

There’s an urban legend around about the freshman hick trying to join a fraternity.  During rush week he gets himself completely blotto, staggering from one frat house to another.  Some of the frat boys get tired of this act and set him up: tell him there’s a gorgeous co-ed in the third floor bedroom waiting for him, and if he can do her to her satisfaction, they’ll welcome him into the brotherhood.

So he eagerly climbs up the stairs and stumbles into the bedroom where he finds life-size blow-up doll reclined in the bed.  Too drunk to know the difference, he sets about his work, very energetic but not doing too well.

Next thing you know there’s this blood-curdling scream echoing through the house that gets everybody out of their chairs and up two flights to see what happened.  They get there and there’s the shell-shocked hick in his underwear.  “What happened?” they ask.

The hick shakes his head.  “Fuck!” he says.   “I kiss this girl, she don’t do nuffin.  I roll her over, she don’t do nuffin.  So I sits her up, I bites her ear, and she lets out a fart and flies out the window!”


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3 Responses to Ear Ear!

  1. ya'gotta'guessit says:

    Maybe the dingo ate your baby.

    The dingo. Ate. Your. Baby.

  2. Mister E says:

    Wasn’t that routine in Animal House? Or maybe I’m mixing it up with real life. I do that sometimes. Me and Ronald Reagen.

  3. Camiel Toe says:

    Some of my best and most loyal friends have been sex toys.

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