Hard Sell

Rubber what?

While Britain has a public holiday to celebrate Prince William’s wedding, one company is taking the party one step further with souvenir condoms that urge lovers to “lie back and think of England”.

Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction is producing special celebration packs that bear the slogan: “Like a royal wedding, intercourse with a loved one is an unforgettable occasion”.

Critics have dismissed the novelty condoms as “tasteless”. — yahoonews

“Tasteless?”  You’re not supposed to eat them.  Are you?

I thoroughly enjoy the British, I truly do, but despite decades of digesting reams of their literature, journalism, films, and historical accounts, I just can’t wrap my brain around their bottomless affection for royalty.  The best I can come up with is, on the one hand they’re natural born toadies who crave an authority figure to whom they bow and scrape; and on the other they’re rapier-witted cynics who pile on their countrymen and institutions insults and satire, and both royalty their adoring bum-kissers are ideal foils.

The package – the condom’s, not the purchaser’s– depicts the couple, but I don’t know if the actual prophylactic is similarly designed.  It would be interesting – and entirely British – if once adorned and oiled for action, the groom’s nose became enlarged along with the wearer’s equipment.  But this is doubtful, and in fact, I suspect the condom isn’t being marketed for actual use anyway, but rather as a collector’s item.

Blimey.  Who would want it?  It IS tasteless.  But then, so is royalty.

Gotta love the name “Crown Jewels Condoms,” though.

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4 Responses to Hard Sell

  1. You May Call Me Pierre says:

    The British infatuation with royalty rests with their utter simplicity. They are neither complex nor insightful as a species — of course, there are exceptions, although rare — and, recognizing this, they elevate beyond reason a selected few through which they may live vicariously. Royalty has served this function throughout their foul and savage history, and the hidebound British see no reason to change.

  2. Heinz of the Wermacht says:

    Pierre, where’s my table for 100,000?

    • ya'gotta'guessit says:

      Ha, ha, Heinz!

      Q: Why did the French plant so many trees along their roadways?

      A: So the German Army could march in the shade!

  3. You May Call Me Pierre says:

    Aah. The planet’s cretins with their worn and tired cheep-cheeping at their cultural and intellectual superiors. No wonder the majority of Americans remain unconvinced of evolution: they witness firsthand no such process. How droll, and how fortunate that you retain the capacity for self-amusement even when not touching yourselves.

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