And That’s No Bull

Once prized by Alexander the Great for their speed and stamina, Turkmenistan’s thoroughbred horses are being groomed for a series of beauty contests, ordered by a presidential decree published Monday.

President Kurbanguly Berdymukhamedov, who enjoys sweeping powers in this desert nation of 5 million and is known for his deft horsemanship, said national beauty contests for the ancient Akhal Teke breed should be held every April.  Special awards will be given to craftsmen for the best carpet featuring the horse, the best “holiday attire” for the breed, the best portrait and even sculpture.

The Akhal Teke horse… enjoys cult status in the only former Soviet state in Central Asia where eating horse meat is strictly taboo.  The late leader Saparmurat Niyazovr raised eyebrows in 2004 when he opened a gleaming $20 million leisure center with a swimming pool, air conditioning and medical facilities — for horses.  – Reuters

Color me culturally insensitive, but a place where it’s okay to stage beauty contests for horses but verboten to eat them is Just Plain Sick.  Not that I’m a fan of horse meat.  But my dog is.

Then again, maybe I’m being too negative.  Just another neigh-sayer.  Duh hyuk.

I won’t provide a photo of the “best carpet featuring the horse” because that would be frankly pornographic.  However, regarding the lovely nag itself, here’s a photo (the one on the left) of this year’s anticipated front-runner.  Pun intended.

BTW, the winner gets the Kurbanguly Berdymukhamedov trophy; runner up gets the Saparmurat Niyazovr.  Judges mispronouncing the titles are drawn and quartered.  And damn!  I just crashed my spellcheck.

In other animal news, here’s proof that god (1) has a sense of humor, (2) practices cosmic justice, and (c) likes to use the word “cock” inappropriately:

Illegal cockfights are notoriously dangerous, but they don’t usually claim human casualties. A recent match in California, however, proved the exception, after a renegade rooster ran into the crowd and fatally stabbed a spectator in the leg.  35-year-old José Luis Ochoa of Lamont, California, was pronounced dead at the hospital of a “sharp force injury” to his right calf, though a delay in treatment may have contributed to his death. Ochoa was fined last year for organizing cockfights, which are considered misdemeanors in California. “I have never seen this type of incident,” Sgt. Martin King told the Bakersfield Californian.  — Slate

Somewhere, Frank Perdue is laughing his ass off.

Not his horse.

Not his cock.

And that’s no bull.

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2 Responses to And That’s No Bull

  1. Ted Larsen says:

    Pardon me for being terrible un-PC and very guilty, but I’m wondering if Mr. Ochoa was illegal as fighting with his cock?

    That just might explain, “delayed treatment!”

    “Moi mal”

  2. Mr. Ed says:

    She’s not a horse. She’s a pig. And be careful: she looks like she bites.

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